yes the very hardest part of this for me is the uncertainty of not knowing where we stand, what we are going to do, and what the future holds.
I'd say this is the number one complaint from most on this board!
And because we can't know the future of our M, we are advised to work on what is more knowable, ourselves.
But I so very much hear you HWY, this is very very hard to deal with. That feeling of "shock" will start to wear away, and "since Feb" is not really that long, so give yourself a break I think you are doing well!
So, why haven’t you seen change in your marriage yet? Let’s take a look at a few possible reasons.
You Haven’t Given a Method Sufficient Time to Work Before Trying Something Else
It is often the case that, if a technique doesn’t yield immediate results, people jump ship too quickly. Although this is completely understandable, it’s unproductive. It’s my experience that you should probably stick with something for at least a couple of weeks unless it is clear that you are getting negative results. Then, of course, you should quit immediately. But don’t let your impatient get in the way of your being systematic about improving your marriage. You need to give things a chance to work.
This is especially true if you and your spouse are separated and you don’t have much contact. In that case, even if the method you’re using is going to be effective, it will definitely take longer to show positive results than it would if the two of you were together. Your spouse simply doesn’t have enough opportunities to witness you changing. So, don’t get discouraged and start trying a little of this and a little of that. If you do, you won’t really get a true reading about the effectiveness of any technique.
Have a great day!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I think you are doing well!
