An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III

[subguy]

Okay here is my latest bit of wtf was I thinking lol.

When I went to Alaska it was technically my W's week to have our D. She allowed me to have her during "her" time. I was thankful and offered her to have some make up time the week before and after vacation. So let me show you the conversation in my head (expectations) and what the actual conversation was.

Conversation
wife= Can I have D one day this week so i can spend time with her?
me= I thought she was going to spend the night with you for a couple of nights to make up, do you still want her?
W= Oh ya sweet thanks.
** she was done and had made up her mind what she was doing**
M= Waiting on her to let me know which nights she wants to have our D. I pass up on an afternoon ride along sailing at the local marina, because i am suppose to have my D.
D= Text me "mom picked me up and I'm staying with her tonight".

A couple of things happened her.
1. I expected her to act like I would have and set up the nights in advance so their is no confusion. I waited for her to respond to me and that did not happen. I got frustrated because of the lack of communication.
2. My W acted like she usually does and made her mind up as to what she was doing and just did it, without regard to what I want or anyone else.

Now, what was my part in all this!?! I did not set an upfront contract about what I expected to happen from the beginning. We then could have discussed if this was acceptable to each other. So from now on I will start setting an upfront contract with her about what i want to happen.

Upfront contract is a term used by the Sandler sales training method where the salesman from the beginning states what he/she would like for a meeting or sales presentation to to include. This allows for expectations to be meet on both sides of the equation and for their to be little gray area as to what we expect from each other.

Obviously I cannot count on others to act as i would in every situation so i need to take charge and start setting an upfront contract. This does not mean I control everything it is after all a negotiation.

How I should have handled it.

Conversation
wife= Can I have D one day this week so i can spend time with her?
me= I thought she was going to spend the night with you for a couple of nights to make up, do you still want her?
W= Oh ya sweet thanks.
M= Okay great. I was thinking you could have her Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night and i'll pick her up on friday after work. Is that okay with you?

Sounds so simple now but during the conversation I expected her to discuss with me what she wanted and then i could have said yes or no to that. Maybe she does not want what she wants rejected so she just does without asking. I'm not sure but either way this is what I need to start doing because she will not do it and it frustrates me when it does not happen. I need to stop being a nice guy...