Clear goals and a vision for the future

[Lyrael]

Hey, Bill - where is that quote from "I'm not sick, but I'm not well" - isn't that a song? It's gonna bug me all day. Lol - that has got to be so hard - "separated" but still living together. If my husband hadn't had a pseudo-apartment (I say pseudo because it needs a LOT of remodelling before it would actually be liveable), we wouldn't have been able to live separately because we wouldn't be able to afford it.
As for separation being needed - I totally believe that if we had tried to just "stick it out, " nothing would change and we would still be doing more of the same. My husband's leaving was the shock it took for me to really get help with what I needed to change in myself. I firmly believe that I am a stronger, wiser, and definitely more independent woman because of what's happened with he and I. He did what he thought was necessary for all three of us (me, S, and himself) to survive. Him leaving stopped the war - it was like a ceasefire. We wouldn't be where we are now if he hadn't left.
Betsey said something in her thread or someone else's to the effect that "the person we have the most trouble with will end up being our greatest teacher" (or something like that). My husband, and this situation, have taught me so much. A marriage that neither of us was sure should have happened at all became something to fight for, something that neither of us wanted to lose. I didn't realize how not committed I was until I thought I was going to lose him.
I had no idea what marriage was all about. But I do now - and I know I want to keep mine.