Thank you all. The last few days have been tumultuous and will continue to be so for some time to come. That is for us who have remained, to pass through.
Most people ask what happened.
The short answer is she felt or saw an opportunity to pass and loosened her hold on this life. I have heard terms like “slipping these bonds” used to describe this transition and her death was very much like that. That is the moment of her death was like that. She let go of this life. I honored her wishes. I let her go.
The long answer requires a bit more history and detail. I was present and I have a good memory. I’d rather not. She had good days Wednesday and Thursday. Friday morning was not such a good day and she was transported to a local Emergency Center. While she was in the ED she declined rapidly over three hours. She was coherent and speaking weakly with me 10 minutes before she passed. She was not alone. She did not struggle. I informed the attending she was DNR, comfort measures only. I began making telephone calls and asked if they could hold her body for family to view and say goodbye.
I sat with her body for about half an hour. Then waited for son, DIL, GD and daughter. SIL1 arrived with XSIL3 from Texas and took GD to babysit. Daughter was the last to arrive and we broke the news to her after she arrived. The children viewed their Grandmother’s body made their goodbyes and I released it to the mortuary. My sister arrived the next day and we’ve begun to clean and make arrangements.
Mom preplanned and paid for her service, still there are details and we were required to confirm the body was moms. Sister was not able to make her goodbyes and Mom wished for cremation so this was in a way fortunate. Most of the family assets were placed in a trust in 1995 and a limited partnership was created with sister and I as trustees for the benefit of mom, dad, and 1 other sister.
With mom’s passing the partnership is dissolved. My sister and I have contacted the estate planner to see what options we have establishing another partnership until we determine dispositions of the assets. Tentatively we’re trying to work out a way for my daughter, son, DIL and GD to use Mom’s house until they are better situated.
It all sounds like it is tied up nice and neat. I assure you it is not. Loose ends abound, the adult children are grieving and with frayed nerves are exhibiting some immaturity. Frankly they may not be able to occupy the same house peaceable. My sister and I are both strong personalities and we could easily come to loggerheads. I think we both know it and are putting extra effort into preventing conflict. The rest of this month will be long and emotionally arduous.
I don’t know if I will be able to make time to post again soon. Mom was very special to me and many others. I’ll be working on a eulogy for her memorial service at the end of this month.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
