Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[dorightman]

I'm not asking her to give the marriage a try, I'm asking her to give living together a try. We really can't afford to do this any other way. I'am not wealthy.


And you never told her a complete plan that she would be comfortable with. You just moved in thinking that after a couple weeks of things being good, that things would just be positive.


I never anticipated that things would be positive after I moved back. In fact, I'am conscious of the fact that w doesn't want me here.

The "without her knowledge" is a big anti trust issue.

Yes you're right Bond. I didn't really have the right opportunity to tell w I'm moving back. I could have laid it on her somewhere, somehow, but I'm not lying when I tell you we have hardly any opportunities to talk because were either in the house with the kids, or were doing totally separate things. Thats why w only wants to talk in therapy. I told her we need to hire a babysitter and go out of the house to talk. no response.....
I really feel like my hands are tied. It can be very frustrating at times, but I'am learning how to detach now.
My allies are patience and GAL. I do feel that this is irreparable sometimes. My thoughts sometimes go there, but other times I feel optimistic.

Plus now that you're in the home again, what guarantee does she has that you're not going to spaz out again?

She doesn't, but I'm confident that those days are over. I've been through a few of the 5 stages of loss already. I've moved on emotionally. I still feel sadness, but to a much lower degree. I have more control over myself now.

I don't know what other options I have besides giving her the D she wants, or DBing.

My self esteem is coming back and I'am trying to be as compassionate and loving as possible. This in the midst of w criticizing and putting me down. I'am not buying her angry projections, but I must say it is hard to experience that.

I cannot do anything but continue to be the best father I can be, and to try my hardest to be as loving as possible to w.

Money is an issue and today she actually said that she thought that our differences in the way we handle money is to blame for the place that we are at now. I felt a ping of hope in that statement because I thought that we should be able to overcome that problem by making a budget together. W said we already tried that and it didn't work. She said she thinks that problem is insurmountable because it is the very fabric of our individual nature. I disagree, what do you think?

I think M is about compromise, learning how to meet half way. It's not my way or the highway! I want an equal partnership.

What can I start to do to build more trust? W only looks for the negative in me. She doesn't see me, she doesn't see the good in me.She doesn't want to.

I see the good in me.