An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III

[subguy]

You are definitely not a troll
((( )))

Ruby

Thank you KT, def. some of the old stuff brings back memories. I am refinancing my house to pay off my W and plan on waiting about a year to year and a half so I can make a good decision about keeping this house or selling. I need to take my time and make decisions that are best for me.

I think you recommended How to be an Adult in a Relationship and I wanted to thank you for that! I've gotten a lot from it.

I wish i could take credit for that book, however I have not read it. I will put it on my list, thanks

I hope you continue to post here, being here and reading and posting have continued to help me move forward and gain perspective.

I plan on sticking around for a bit, at some point I may be able to pay it back with advice for others on this forum.

you are no troll, no way... you are one of my favorite people here, i love to check in here and get your perspective on your journey, i can really feel your heart and it helps me.

Wow!! I don't know what to say except thank you, that made me smile.

i heard something on forgiveness from tara brach (buddhist psychology) that i wanted to share with you. she said that you can not WILL yourself to forgive but that you can have a WILLINGNESS to forgive, and that intention opens the door to forgiving.

she told a story about approaching a dog, the dog growling and realizing that the dog's leg was caught in a trap.. she said that any time someone offends us, it is bc their leg is caught in a trap.

she said the 2 trainings on anger are: 1. to be with each other and realize that just how i get afraid and lost, so do you... 2. to look at another and see their intrinsic goodness..

I've seen you mention her a few times and I get this analogy... I'm going to look her up, thanks.

i think it is a process... for me, i have more moments in which i can feel that way about my W... but i am not there all the time and there are still triggers and times i feel a great deal of anger

Thats exactly how I feel. Right now my soul just hurts and I need the space and no contact for me to heal. I could handle myself while separated but, when she filed and changed her name back to her maiden name that hurt deeper than anything. I did not react like I did at BD, it just hurt.

My IC keeps telling me I'm her allstar so to speak. I am getting concepts way faster than all of he other clients and am moving pretty quickly in my recovery. ( I believe this site and y'all have been instrumental in helping me stay grounded and look at me and my interactions), I said it does not feel like it at times, her response was to stop putting pressure on myself. I always have pretty high standards for myself and really need to relax a bit on me. My IC also says the two sessions my W went, was enough for her to see the extreme communication issues that she has. She also said sure you have things to work on and improve but we all can say that. Slowly I am beginning to see the value that is me... Somewhere, somehow I let that be stolen from me... Not arrogance just a love of who I am, not a pro athlete or a famous singer, just me a good dad, a good friend and one who generally cares for others. one who could be better but is pretty good the way he is... Someone who wants to be better and is trying to be better.