Clear goals and a vision for the future

[Lyrael]

Okay - breathing in and out...shaking a little.
I resisted 6 urges to call Dustin (I seriously only call him once an afternoon -it's just fighting off the initial urge that's a problem). As dumb as it is, I tracked the intensity (1-10) of the urges, too. I was fine until it hit about a 7. Well, at exactly 2:11pm (quit laughing), I finally gave in and called him, and was really pleasant and upbeat. I was a little Bob Barker-ish - I'm learning. I asked him how he was feeling, how he slept. He seemed preoccupied, but I didn't take offense and get whiny/angry, I stayed pleasant. Sometimes he just isn't in the mood to talk on the phone.
I wanted to say something about him coming to see our son, but I didn't want to be pushy.
So I said (I can't remember exact wording here) in a light and airy tone "I wondered if you were still planning on coming to see S tonight." He said that, yes, he was. I reminded him S goes to bed at eight (I prolly shouldn't have said that). I told him to call me when he was ready to come, and he said that he sure would, and we hung up. It was odd to have such a polite conversation when I felt so insecure inside.
I sat and thought for a couple minutes, then sent him an IM that said "If I don't hear from you, can I call you after 6:30 to see where you're at (work-wise, I meant), so I know how to structure the Munchkin's evening? (Dinner, bath, and so forth). He was totally okay with that, but I wish I could be less of a weenie and just leave it up to him to call or not. He usually does when he says he is going to.
So, what do you guys think? It was a modest succcess for me. I am going to continue keeping track of my urges and how intense they are - it's easy to resist when I acknowledge they're there. Do you think I should cook tonight and make up a plate for him to take with him or eat when he gets there? The stop by the grocery store would keep me busy until at least 6:30, and the cooking would after that.
I took myself out to lunch today, so I'm not very hungry, but he might be! I don't know. Maybe he would think it was stupid that I saved some food for him.
Lemme know, guys,
Myrrh