Now 2+ yrs time to get off this limbo

[adinva]

The trick with the house staying with the kids and the parents coming and going, called nesting, was something I ran across and thought made sense, so I ran it by my L who has many years served as a guardian ad leitum for kids in family court situation. Not sure I'm spelling it right, anyway... He said it's a terrible idea. Seems good at first but then what about when one of you is dating, or marries, or is mad at the other for this or that? It's cleaner, according to this L, and therefore better for the kids, to rip the bandaid and create two separate homes for them. They get used to mom's house and dad's house better than all continuing to share space. That was his opinion.

Since my H moved out in December, he hasn't obtained a place of his own, and the kids aren't really invited to stay at his friend's nor would I want them to. So by necessity when I have to leave town H moves in for a day or two or a week until I get back. I only take advantage of this if I have to be somewhere for work, so it's been one week and a couple of overnights. It's no biggie. I don't care or know where he sleeps, he doesn't seem to mess with my stuff but I'm not really checking, and when I return it's like greeting the pleasant but somewhat boring babysitter on his way out the door. The first time he was so unpleasant that my son called and said he wanted dad gone. The second time I didn't trust him to be nice so I hired a nephew to also stay there and "help out" to be a moderating influence. The third time was just one night and seemed ok.

I still think of it as a temporary and not ideal solution, would much prefer a clean break and a real household where my kids have a place with their dad, but there isn't so we're making do. I do wish we had a schedule where he had responsibility for them on a predictable basis, that would be really nice.

I think the reason this works for now is that my H and I are fairly amicable where the separation is concerned. My detachment from his comings and goings and behavior is pretty good. There's little talk between us, "business" only, so little chance of raised expectations or hurt feelings.

However I think the kids not ever seeing their dad in his new situation, only seeing him reappear occasionally in our home, is weakening their sense of him as their dad, and probably giving all of us a sense of limbo.

For what it's worth...