lol, PON. You are talking about "the four agreements"? That was T^2 that recommended it, I've never heard of it before.
We're always here for you PON. Now I've made mention about the similarities between you and Crimson and how the sitches are likely to diverge in similarities as time progresses.
I'm now going to mention the similarities between your and wfm's sitches.
Like wfm, you're having a tough time detaching. You appear to be thinking that talking about yourself in relationship to the sitch, is focusing on you.
Do I agree with Bond that you need to "balls up"? Sure.
Do I think that means telling her where the door is when she starts spewing? No.
Look, you don't have to deal with the spew. If she starts spewing, you could a) tell her you won't be spoken to, that way, and then leave her presence, or b) leave her presence.
Telling her where the door is, might just have her use it. Right now you might think that's OK, but later... probably not so much...
Whereas when you enforce your boundary by not being near her when she spews, you aren't telling her to use the door. It becomes a choice she would make, of her own accord. Not something she can blame you for, even while that really doesn't matter as she'll blame you, anyhow.
How does that relate to wfm? (wfm, I suspect you're wondering the same). It doesn't, except...
PON, you need to focus on you. Yes, you can come here and vent. What becomes truly YOU focused is when you start talking about how you are going to your al-anon sessions, what you are learning about, how you are growing, these people that you are meeting are cool and you've started doing some other things with them, or joined the local knitting club and learning how to save money by darning your socks, rather than throwing them out...
If you want to vent and say, "man, it pist me off when my W started spewing, and so I left the room because I won't be spoken to that way", that's fine... Follow that up with, "I then remembered that's her problem, and I went to finish painting peace signs on S7's bike".
or alternately, saying, "I have been working out at the gym and look real awesome and wish W would notice" is not you focused, FTR. Whereas saying, "I have been working out at the gym and have changed my clothing slightly and I look totally awesome and the chick at the daycare noticed"... THAT is YOU focused.
