I gave her a lot to think about. Our son,the house and how things would be after the divorce.
You don't need to hammer that stuff home, she is already thinking about all of that. If you say it then it just comes off as pressure.
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I told her that I wasn't mad or angry just hurt.
She's a WAS, she doesn't care about how you feel. YOU need to care about how SHE feels. Don't tell her you're angry/ hurt/ in pain/ etc. Your job is to listen to her and validate her feelings, not the other way around. Also she needs to think you're doing great without her before she'll even start to think about wanting you back, so you don't want to look or sound miserable.
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She complained that I didn't listen to her 4 years ago and now I am doing things. She noticed I am more involved w our s. I told her I was in Lala land back then and realize now. That's when she kept saying that's why she is mad.
This is VERY typical. The WAS wanted to see changes long ago, didn't see them, decided to leave, THEN the LBS changes. The WAS usually sees this and gets angry and resentful, their response is "if it was so easy to change, then why didn't you before when I wanted you to?" Your response should be along the lines of "I didn't know before, I know now, and I'm committed to changing not to try and get you back, but because it's the right thing to do to make myself a better person."
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She sais I get it, you don't want out.
Yes she knows, you don't need to keep reminding her. Every time you remind her you tell her "you and I don't want the same thing. You want to leave, I want you to stay. This is about what I want, not what you want." It's pressure. You need to remove all pressure.
