Just right after my last post, w let me know by text that she got a promotion at work and it is going a lot better for her at her job. When the bomb came her work was killing her. Now it is all good. I wrote back telling her congratulations and that she deserved the promotion and that I was happy for her. I have not heard from her since. I think that she is happy that I am a friend and that I am there for her. Now she can go do her thing without me. I think it is time to go dark again detach and move on. I don't see any happy ending here. I will be back in my house alone next week after she moves over the weekend.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
I'm struggling as well with the "friend" stage. I'm trying very hard to GAL and be pleasant with my H. I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing. It's so tough to know if I'm properly applying the DR principles. I cannot afford a counselor at the moment as well.
Good luck with everything. I know everyone here has been a great support system for me. More so than my friends and family here at home.
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
W moved out this past weekend. Empty house is depressing. Only communication we have had since my last post is w texting me with the time she would be out of the house. She worked hard cleaning up before she left and I send a text thanking her for the clean house... No response.... As for me .. My job situation is now great, I am in the best physical shape I have been in since high school, and I am spending a lot of time with old friends... Outlook is good with or without w in my future. Once I get a bit of furniture all will be great. I am going to let some time pass and then I am going to send w a well-designed text. I will try that a few times over the next months. If I get no response I will move on ... I will post again if anything interesting happens.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
I will be seeing my ex for the first time since March 27. We have been texting back and forth...after some no contact and self improvement I started sending friendly "did something" or "heard something" that made me think of you .. "Hope you are well" type text messages.. If a conversation started I focused entirely on her.. Validated etc. texts help keep emotions in check ... Anyway I am meeting her at her suggestion to workout together.. We'll see if it goes anywhere. While she did move out divorce was never started. Wish me luck!!!
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
An empty house can certainly svck if we let it. Rather than thinking about it as an adventure like we do when we first leave home as young adults.
It sounds like you have been focusing on GALing and 180s since BD. It appears you are still somewhat attached (understandably). Yet that may be something you can still work on.
It is good that the attempts to contact your W have been going somewhat "ok". Is it true that you are contacting her on stuff that isn't kid related?
Do you have any idea why your W would think you would be interested in working out? Is that something from your past, that she knew you liked going to the gym?
We don't have kids together. (We both have kids from past relationships).. Going to the gym is something we both have been doing a lot of since splitting up. Part of me working on me (and her working on her I guess) ... Since we started communications again we talk about it a lot so she suggested we go together. I am actually very hopeful here.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Ok so I met my ex at the gym. We only talked a little. She brought up that she found my profile on match.com and said that she is not bothered at all by this. Is this likely a true statement? I didnt give any response to this. Everything that was said was very positive; our entire conversation was very friendly. It seems like she just wants to be friends.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
I have been exchanging texts with my ex remenissing about the past. She sent one saying that she wishe we could turn back the clock and relive our happiest moments. She went on to say that she would always love me. I don't know if she is just trying to be friends but we are meeting for drinks in two days. Any advice on how to act?
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Having the gym as a common interest is a good thing and OK to talk about. Just keep it friendly and not anything to do about R. Do not let your expectations creep into the convo.
If she's bringing up your match.com profile, then she's thinking about it... and subsequently you. Good that you did not engage that convo.
She could be telling you the truth that it doesn't bother her. But why would she feel she needs to give you approval? That's a rhetorical question. She doesn't need to give you her approval. So there's likely something underneath that. It could be that she's trying to convince herself... or maybe she's trying to bait you... or... well, not worth trying to figure out. Just note that she brought it up and let it go.
When a LBS has a WAS/MLCer that does not spew, it is good form for the LBS to go the "friends" route. Even though it's not what the LBS wants, it is a great foundation towards possibly rebuilding the R.
If she's texting you to reminisce about the past, it is OK to listen and validate. Stay away from being the one to bring something up. It's a mine field and you could possible bring up something that YOU think is good, yet triggers a negative memory for her.
So it is good that she wants to be friends and that you are open to and working on that. It is also good that she says she will always love you.
If your posts are an accurate indication of your your interactions are going, which I'm sure they are, then keep doing what you are doing.
It is certainly OK to meet her for drinks, just be sure you are not TOO available. Understand that in the context of your sitch, being mysterious or not accepting every invitation is not necessary. She's in pursuit mode if she's initiating these exchanges and dates. Continue to let her lead.
IF she were to appear to be getting cool, then pull back just a bit and don't be quite as available, but still be pleasant and happy.
Be careful about drinks. It can lead to loose lips and we know what that does to ships.
You seem to be doing really great. What you are doing is working. Keep doing it for at least another couple weeks and then if you'd like, you can possible start to add some new stuff to the mix.
While I'm very new to all this I don't have advice for you when you meet her for drinks but I read this whole thread and you seem to be making good progress. You give me some hope for my own situation. I am only 2 months in and 1 month since she moved out. I'll be following your thread. Good luck, I'll keep you in my prayers.
M:33 H:32 S: 5,4, 8 months BD:4/1/13 W moved out: 5/4/13
M:33 W:32 Married:8 Together:10 S:5,4 and 8 months BD: 4/1/13 W move out day: 5/4/13 ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
