Its tough; getting tougher

[amy1982]

Ive enjoyed reading others threads & decided it would be helpful to start my own.
My H & I had a very romantic 1st 5 years & good times off & on in the last 4 1/2 yrs. The trouble began, from my point of view, when he became VERY INVOLVED w/ his best friend & wife 4 1/2 yrs ago. Ever since, his R w/ them has been more imp than our R & they def have more influence. Theyre the kind that anything flies but Im more cautious & conservative. My H began buying his buddys W (Ann) gifts,florist bouquet, kissing, expressing love, etc. Naturally I was upset but my H & the other couple thot I was out of place. I had many painful mo & there was much tension between all of us. That faded out aftr a while, then I realized my H had a crush on a neighbor girl. Again I was jealous & bitched. I don't think it amounted 2 much but sure made me insecure & distrustful. My H & I couldn't communicate about this..he thot I was totally out of place in my reactions. I finally talked w/ SIL & called her when I was in pain. But she gets 2 stressed out so she got me 2 talk 2 her H my H's brothr. So that was my form of release so I wouldn't blow up in my H face. At that point my BIL & I didn't have much in common. Things smoothed out in our R but then my H got secretive, spent time in private on phone etc. One day I found a long love letter 2 a young girl 9 hrs away ( happens 2 be his buddys SIL) I was totally crushed. I called my BIL again in grt distress. over time we got very close, thing is, his W knew & was comfortable w/ it. I couldn't fathom! My H also knew there was a grtr connection but I couldn't tell that he cared. I think he KNEW me, that I was very against loose R. I was afraid @ confront H.. Ive always been afraid 2 rock the boat. He always made me feel like it was my problem & I will admit I was insecure & jealous. I wanted 2 strangle any1 that wd mess w/ my guy. Hes very handsome & winsome. Anyway aftr I found that love letter I kinda gave up. My BIL was very attached 2 me by then & we slowly got int R. Stupid I know. As it turns out I surprised my H & I (still cant 4give myself) but it was the turning point & I returnd 2 our M. I confessed & in a couple mo our R seemed closer than ever. We nevr really dealt w/ everything & I guess it was festering 4 my H. Guess what. That young girl mandy moved..next door & things blew up. My H started spending a lot of time w/ her & I was very afraid & reacted very strongly. I sent him some texts that were very disrespectful about me not being able to trust. That was 6 mo ago (more in next post)