Here's todays little drama... H and I talk every day after he wakes up - he calls or I call. Today I haven't heard from him and he isn't answering his phone. I played our online game with him last night until about 1 a.m., so my rationaly mind wants to say maybe he just stayed up REALLY late and is still bumming around in bed. But another part of me wonders if maybe he isn't alone there - he is too busy snuggling and that's why he isn't answering the phone. Or maybe he has freaked out because of saying he was coming home and s completely withdrawing. I know it's stupid that I'm freaking out about this, but I can't help it...
And later.... Even if he was boinking the daylights out of some little hoochie, I couldn't do anything about it. That makes me crazy! But odds are, he probably isn't. Worst case scenario: about once a month or so, he disappears for an evening - alone. Sometimes to the movies, sometimes to go browsy shopping - anywhere he can be completely alone. That's just who he is - I don't understand it, because I am the oldest of three, and so I was almost never completely alone. Maybe he needs to think about what's happening with us. Maybe eight million different things - I am just going to have to make a choice - go quietly insane and call him every three seconds, or sit back, trust him (what a concept) and wait for him to call. I know what I should do... And yet still later... and of course I didn't. I tried him one more time (maybe I need to work on willpower in smaller chunks than a day - like- I won't call hime for the next 4 hours or something). He answered, sounding very sleepy and stuffed up. He was laying in bed, he said. Then he proceeded to tell me about a dream he had where he was rescuing Homer Simpson from a huge hole. He called the mattress guy on his own, and told me he thinks the whole thing sounds a little odd - the guy couldn't tell him exactly what brands or how many he had left of the different kinds of mattresses. I didn't praise him as lavishly as I wanted to (it caught me off guard that he called all on his own - that's kind of a good sign, I think). I told him that I thought he should think about it and decide what he wanted to do, because I trusted his judgement more than mine in this situation (I am really bad with salespeople, especially hard-sell salespeople). That was kind of atypical for me, because usually I am really spazzy about that kind of thing. Thanks again, Bets for the wonderful persepctive adjustment.
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
