Thanks, Kaffe ... I get what you're saying completely.

The women I was attempting to be poly with was NOT part of the swinging scene, but WAS part of the fetish scene, and knew my W and the man she's seeing. She knew the man fairly well and figured he would be a good intermediary I guess ... don't really know her motives. Most people in that scene have shunned her as they think she has major issues.

But you are correct in that those groups value individual relationships over groups.

Me 47 W 44
T 17 years, M 15 years
D13, D10
March 2013 -- broke a trust/cheated
late May 2013 -- W spoke of separation for first time
June 2013 -- began reading DB