Wild Horses (couldn't drag me away)

[reachingHigher]

Thinking of you today, FY.

Hugs,
rH

[RosaLinda]

"Yes, that does make sense. Thanks to my careless actions that one night, she has tied her recent feelings of neglect and abandonment to me, and I'm afraid still has not even considered that the childhood abuse has anything to do with it."


"Said she woke up screaming last night, and it was because of me. No details given. She said this in a calm matter of fact matter, showing no emotion."

"Your H should protect you even more so, and I let her down that one night. She's having a difficult time getting over it, (as am I) but to her credit, does seem like she is trying to. Maybe my actions since then have helped show her that I really do love her and only want the best for her. After all, she's still here, and telling me about her life."

"She came home from work in a real pissy mood, yelling at the dog and cursing over little things. She gradually calmed down and warmed up some as we interacted. Sometimes it seems I really am the rock! Let's hope so."

Oh FY, I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling at this time. This is NOT all of your fault, I hope that you really really understand that, both in your heart and your mind. I think your actions ARE showing your W how much you love her, and that she can rely on you to be her rock. I don't remember from your old thread, I remember you saw a C at one time, but does your W also have a counselor?

I'm glad that you have a friend you can confide in, and also that you and your W are having some fun times together, like your chuckle at her being the date for her gay friend at a same sex marriage. We all smiled at that picture

You are a big hunk of rock! Hang in there!

[ForeverYoung]

Thanks RH and Linda.

So yeah, except for me finding that email, nothing has really changed.

Nothing new or different going on here. Still getting along fine, no talks of M or incidents.

I don't remember from your old thread, I remember you saw a C at one time, but does your W also have a counselor?

No C for either of us right now. I don't want/need one, and W heard what she wanted to hear in the two single sessions she had back at the beginning of all this.

Got this email from W this morning: (we are both at work)

we have 2 seats, departing 6/21, returning 6/24. The best i could do.

The way it works is she applies for air, and then later is approved for one of the resorts. It’s all inclusive, and with her employee discount extremely reasonable. This will be in Cancun, or more likely the Riviera Maya area. This Anniversary trip is all her idea.

I replied “Sounds great! I’m excited.”

[TSquared2]

Hi FY,

Just want to say that the SA may indeed need some IC for W...my W minimized it for many, many years...but it IS a driver now (not the whole, but a piece of it)...it does affect self-esteem, trust and abandonment issues with my W, which sounds like some of that is affecting your W's views of you and what happened that night.

I know you can't suggest it, I have learned that they (like us) have to get there on their own. My W is finally taking those action steps and has said that she knows she needs IC for her issues (of which the SA is but one). I have told her that I will support her in any way I can. If she wants me to do more IC with her therapist, and of course MC, I am open, though I think I am doing pretty okay without too much IC right now, my psych degree and training seem to be working okay (though I do have a monthly check-in via phone with a C, just to get 3rd party view and check my own premises)...

I look at it as part of building the "We" of a R, and it is a 180 from before mlc where I didn't want IC.

Just some thoughts to toss around...
T^2

[lionhrt]

FY,

I know its tough but I do see her booking the trip as a huge positive. Being her idea too makes it all the better.

Just keep your expectations low and keep doing what you are doing and try to relax on the trip.

Are you sharing a room and bed?

[ForeverYoung]

Thanks T2. I truly hope W is able to work through this somehow, and starts on a healing path. I of course will continue to be there for her... I hope she can find it in her heart to accept me.

Tonight was the last TKD class. (for a bit) HR says I can re-offer it after a short break. I may offer private lessons in my home studio to any interested students. While I'm doing this for me, I don't think it's gone unnoticed by W, especially since I can bring in some extra money doing it. How many guys can do that?

When I got home W was outside jogging our neighborhood in cute little jogging shorts. *bites knuckles* When we met up in the driveway, she looked a bit stressed. The first thing she told me was that we were approved for a nice adults only resort in Cancun for the 3 nights.

I said "That's great, I'm really excited!" She then went on to tell me how her work load is such that she'll need to be working while there.

rky, One room, beds could be 2 doubles or 1 king. I didn't ask which she booked.

Suddenly we are just 9 days away from departure! So much could happen on this trip... or not much at all. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. I know Im in a much better place than I was last Anniversary. I think she may be too.

[RosaLinda]

I hope you have a wonderful time on your vacation. I know you'll be supportive of your W's moods, and let her lead this particular dance FY. Hope you have a wonderful romantic anniversary! My H tells me he plans to be in Russia with RT for ours

[job]

FY,
Enjoy your vacation and just go w/the flow. No expectations!

[tori2012]

FY, so happy to hear about the trip! I think this is a huge positive step. Play the trip in your head the way you want it to be. No anxious thoughts or thoughts about what could go wrong. Just enjoy it. You deserve it!
Thank you for all your help and support.

[RosaLinda]

Have a nice weekend FY! How many more days till liftoff?