Just want to say that the SA may indeed need some IC for W...my W minimized it for many, many years...but it IS a driver now (not the whole, but a piece of it)...it does affect self-esteem, trust and abandonment issues with my W, which sounds like some of that is affecting your W's views of you and what happened that night.
I know you can't suggest it, I have learned that they (like us) have to get there on their own. My W is finally taking those action steps and has said that she knows she needs IC for her issues (of which the SA is but one). I have told her that I will support her in any way I can. If she wants me to do more IC with her therapist, and of course MC, I am open, though I think I am doing pretty okay without too much IC right now, my psych degree and training seem to be working okay (though I do have a monthly check-in via phone with a C, just to get 3rd party view and check my own premises)...
I look at it as part of building the "We" of a R, and it is a 180 from before mlc where I didn't want IC.
Just some thoughts to toss around... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
