"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

Hi Linda, Our situations are similar in many ways. Being honest about their feelings toward the ow and how they are feeling about life, their relationship with us is just one of them. My h calls his babbling his "stream of consciousness". If we listen closely, we also notice how those feelings change with the day, the weather or whatever else changes their mood. I get the feeling that some of those mood changes are related to "male menopause", a change in their hormones similar to what women go through at our age. Add childhood issues, MLC, lack of self esteem and you have one mixed up and out of control man!

I want to thank you for sharing what your DB coach Chuck said and the examples of how to respond to some of the nonsense and hurtful things that say. I loved the example of not speaking negatively about the ow and then using just a touch of reverse psychology. I plant little positive things into conversations that I have with my h too. He gets quiet, looks very thoughtful so I know he's gotten the message. Sometimes he'll come back a day or so later (after he's processed my comment) and will take the opposite view and then explain why he believes differently! Of course I agree with him and validate. Success!! I will know that my h is coming around when he realizes what I'm doing and calls me on it. LOL

I'm still a little unsure of where your h will be by Sept. That's nearly 3 months away and in the life of a person who is going through a MLC it seems like a lifetime. Just keep remembering how many times he's changed his mind about other things. He may change his mind about her as well. I do understand why you feel as you do about the tramp. She is trying to take something away from you that you have no control over right now. You see what she's up to but he doesn't. They try every trick in the book and then some to get what they want. Remember the reason why she is trying so hard. She wants a green card and once she has that, you h is history.

Take care and don't take your h's comments or actions too seriously. Doing that makes this just a little bit easier.