Clear goals and a vision for the future

[Lyrael]

Betsey, Bill, and all,
The evening went pretty well, except for a somewhat intense discussion later. It actually happened because he wanted to be very loving, and I find it frightening when I don't know where I stand with someone and they want to get close to me. So maybe I started the discussion (it was NOT a fight), to keep H distanced from me a little.
I told him that because I needed to apply for assistance, if we were going to live apart indefinitely, we needed a formal separation agreement. He said he would rather just come home, but is scared we will fight (translation: he is scared I am going to chomp him into tiny fish pieces whenever he steps outside where I want him to be- an understandable fear). So, my goals need to be directed towards easing this fear of his. He is speaking of coming home as a definite plan, and I think my next actions will carry a lot of weight. So - back to basics. I am going to have a set of weekly goals, then smaller daily goals. I CAN DO THIS!
I can be a mature, self-controlled, strong woman through this incredibly tough situation. I can do it!
Sooo- weekly goals.
1: Take it one conversation at a time (this is a PMA oriented goal)-stop worrying about the big picture, and focus on really listening to what H is saying to me. This applies whether we are on the phone or in person.
2: Work on my Flylady missions - H doesn't give me a hard time about it, but I know he wants our home to be clean and comfortable, so he can have friends drop by and be proud of his wife and his home.
3: Work on developing a thought-stopping strategy for my crazymaking urges - I am open to any and all suggestions on this.
My goals for today are:
1: Call H and ask how his day is going and REALLY listen. Then ask him when it would be convenient for me to drop by and pick up the thing I need to get from him. Be polite and pleasant no matter WHAT he says or what I feel (that second is the hardest, really - he is very caring and understanding most of the time, truthfully). When I see him, get what I can for, give him a hug, tell him I hope he has a great night, and leave without being clingy or whiny.
3: Okay, I don't know what my first step is in figuring out thought-stopping - I guess I'll read up on what we have around here.

Thanks for input,
Myrrh