Quote: Shouldn't I just be able to stop crazymaking since I have realized that's what I'm doing?
Well, technically, yes. But it's a whole lot more complicated than just this. Now you need to devise some sort of stop sign or method to analyze before you embark on a crazymaking mission.
You've probably functioned like this for a very long time, if not, your entire lifetime. Changing behaviors AND thought patterns are going to be very tough--but DOABLE.
Quote: I am afraid that we are going to get in a fight like we almost did tonight because I am determined to feel rejected no matter what happens.
Case in point.
What can you do to take care of your own needs, Myrrh?
One of the many things I've learned over the past year is that resentment occurs when we are not practicing self care. In other words, you can't expect your H to look out for your needs.
Why not?
1. That's YOUR job. 2. He can't give you things that you should be giving yourself.
Feeling rejected happens when we don't see ourselves in a more esteemed light. This is one area where you need to figure out what is missing so you can correct this perception.
I will also share with you another observation I made--ironically, after I had chosen to stop heading down CRAZYMAKING AVENUE. The more I instigated negative conversations with Mr. W., the worse I felt about myself.
To me, it makes more sense to correct that behavior immediately. Seeing yourself as a person with some modicum of self-control with help fuel you along to make other changes.
I won't sugar coat this, Myrrh. Frankly, changing this part of me was the most difficult thing I had ever done. It was painful and humiliating to see myself from my husband's perspective.
The first rule in a 12 step program is to change the things we can and accept the things we can't--and pray for wisdom to know the difference.
You and I both know that you have what it takes to change. If I can do it, so can you.
Now how did your evening go last night? I do pray that it went well and without conflict.
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
