You should really quit snooping, your H will find out if he hasn't already and all it will make him do is go deeper with his EA. He'll change his passwords, create separate email accounts, maybe even get a secret phone. He'll do what it takes to hide his activities from you.
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I sensed that OW is very needy and craves the attention and support from H -- She's all alone working in a foreign country. But she's at least mature enough to step back every so often to say "This is wrong".
I agree, and as such, this affair is doomed. It just will not work out. But you shouldn't have intervened, because that often has the opposite effect of what the LBS intends. It often drives the WAS and affair partner closer together. And it makes them think the LBS is crazy. It will unite them against you.
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Afterwards, I regretted contacting her. In time, H may realise for himself that she's not for him (or he may not), but I prevented him from going on that journey… Now I won't know if he's with me because he WANTS to be with me.
Exactly. Keep this in mind so you don't make the same mistake again in the future.
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What should I do now??
Quit snooping! No more confrontations either. Just pull back and give your H time and space to think things through. Work on yourself.
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If the EA resumes, should I expose them? I came across advice (eg Allen from here, Dr Harvey of MB) that are pro-exposure.
DB'ing is not, so you have to decide for yourself if you're going to follow DB'ing or another approach. Don't try to mix and match, some people have tried that and it doesn't work out well.
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2. I'm utterly torn between the Retrouvaille method (more communication, connection) and DB (no R talk, more space).
I think it was too soon for RetroV, your H is not committed to making the M work as can be seen by his actions.
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But dialogues (and the "discussions" that sometimes follow) go against the concept of giving him space.
DB'ing is NOT about not having discussions. It is about not INITIATING relationship discussions. But it IS about being a great listener. If your H talks, then you listen, and be the greatest possible listener. RetroV teaches validation techniques that you should put into heavy use in communications with your H.
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Me: What would you like to do tomorrow (Sunday)? / or What shall we have for dinner?
THAT is what you shouldn't be doing. That is pursuit.
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How do I respond to this attitude? So far I've replied sweetly with suggestions "How about abc…", after all, I'm supposed to show nothing but happiness and contentment, right?
You are supposed to show happiness and contentment in YOUR life, not in your pursuit of him. You need to detach from him!
