It's been quite awhile since I've been on this site. I remember hearing advice that told me to move on with my life, don't let my WAH take my life with him.
It's been almost a year since my husband lived in our house with me and and our Ds. It's been six months since the separation and divorce has been filed. I have gone thru really hard times and honestly believed I would never make it without him. I was wrong. It took every ounce of strength and determination to pick myself up and move on.
My husband had the "perfect storm" brewing when he walked out on me. He was the MLC king. He changed everything about himself...they way he looked, dressed, his interest, got involved with a woman 10 years younger than himself, he gave up everything he owned and gave up his relationship with his own daughters. He was and still is a man in crisis.
I have gathered myself together, even fired one lawyer that wasn't helping my cause. I now have a lawyer that will do what I need to secure my future and who is looking out for my and my daughters' best interest. I would never believed anyone if they said a year ago, I would be where I am today.
I was told many times in this forum that I would change. I didn't believe it would happen, but I have changed. I lost a man that I loved for nearly 30 years. But, that man doesn't exist anymore. A man I only know as a stranger has taken his place. I do mourn the marriage I had. But, I have gained so much since this time last year. I have met people that have added so much good to my life. My relationships with my daughters, family and friends have grown into unbreakable bonds and over flowing love. I may have lost my husband, but I have gained so much more in my life.
So, a year later, I am still going thru a divorce. I am on my second lawyer. I have friendships that have grown stronger. My daughters and I are closer and have a bond that can never be broken. My heart is full of love and I am loved by so many. I have had some hard lessons and have been thru hell and back. I have stayed true to myself and friends and family. I have a wonderful man I am now spending time with. He treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I never knew this kind of man existed, but he does and he's in my life.
As for my STBX, he lives alone, doesn't have any belongings to speak of, has a GF that he can't introduce to anyone because of the shame and embarrassment the relationship started from. He doesn't have a relationship with our daughters because of all the lying he had done. He has become a lonely man with not much in his life. Maybe this is what he wants. All I know is, there is that light at the end of the tunnel. It's a very scary journey to get to that light, but I have become a stronger person by making my way through.
Those of you trying to hold onto a relationship that isn't "there" anymore, ask yourself if fighting for something only you want is worth losing who you are. I'll say the thing I didn't believe when I first read it here myself.....find your own life. Take care of the relationship you have with your children. Lean on the people who love you, you can't do this alone. You WILL be ok. You will probably find that your life can be better than you ever imagined. I did.
Good luck to everyone. Don't rely on someone else to make you happy. Find your happiness within yourself :o)
