I realize that I feel overwhelmed, not so much by the logistics of getting through life alone, but because I am in a battle with someone who continues to threaten my stability. I can't remember when I last felt safe and secure. Until this D is over I will continue to struggle with this. So much of it is out of my hands. I wish I were fully self supporting. I could walk away from this today. Since the boys and I are largely dependent on H I need to see it through and get the best settlement that I can. I really need this to happen quickly. The longer this lingers the longer it will take to recover. I just want to feel joyful again. I miss my old self, but don't know how to find her in the chaos.
