Also KD I'm kind of stuck. I want to speak with my W and not sit in fear of having conversation with her. We are going on 2 months now since she said she felt "smothered" by my comment made 3 months ago.
Just so you know what I said. She had made plans to goto a concert with girls from neighborhood. I said "I'll take the kids down vaca house (concert on Friday in August) a few times. She told me that made her feel smothered, that she couldn't just make plans without me saying something. Honestly I never thought anything of the comments until she dropped this on me. I knew she was annoyed by them because she snapped at me, after she snapped at me I stopped saying it just thinking well I was being annoying. Either way I don't feel that remark should have spun her back to ground zero. It did.
KD I made that comment and she never said boo about it. We literally were in the Bahamas, being intimate, joking, going on dates. So yes it spun me out initially. Right now she is definitely treating me like before. Same exact treatment. Silent treatment, secret phone, only nice to me when she needs something etc..
Also I have another scenario that I always wanted to talk to her about. I just don't know if I bring it up if she will think it is just a ploy/tactic. Here's the deal. When my son was born she wanted his middle name to begin with the letter J for her grampy. I fought it because it would give him initials CJ and I just wasn't keen into that nickname etc.. I was younger and even more broke then I am today. I was selfish and didn't realize how important that was to her. I have felt TERRIBLE about it for the last 3 years since I've started to work on myself. She joked about changing it awhile back and I really would love to do this for her and for grampy. I just feel if I bring this up now or anytime soon it will be perceived as a tactic but realistically I realize how SELFISH I have been. Actually Alanon and temporary sponsor has made me realize how selfish we can be without even realizing it.
What do you think about my comment? In hindsight I could see her point a view. It truly wasn't what I was trying to do or come across that way. She told me that it is sad that you don't even know you do these things. I was like you need to tell me if I upset you. I can't mind read and I didn't even know you were bothered by it at all. "I shouldn't have to tell you" Umm ok..
What about the middle name thing. This really touches home. Without her grampy our kids would have not grampies at all. He is great grampy but we consider him grampy
