Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Bel123]

6/10 W took S to the beach for two days and said they would be back by dinner time. Then texted and said it is crappy so they will make it by bed time and that they stopped to play and eat. Then texted and said he is sleeping in the car. I said drive safe and see you guys when you get here. I went to meet a friend and had a few drinks (grrr the drink always gets my emptions out) and when I got home she said “we tried to make it home but had to stop and eat and play and then the weather got crappy”. I said year it was raining bad here too and asked what time they left. She took that as me being mad.. Had a few words back and forth.. I really was not mad and I don’t believe I acted mad either. Then I opened my big mouth and said it would be nice if you are here when you said you will be here with S. For me it was not about that day but what has happened in the last few weeks. There has been time when I ask if they are home before getting there and she told me they are out eating and will be back soon. They come back 3 hours later. She was with S and OM. That is my time with my S I am missing out on. And soon is not 3 hours. So all that was just building up and I brought it up. I told her how I felt about another man being in my S’s life. She sort of avoided that conversation but did say that I am in his life and tried to avoid it. I said you do what you would like but his time with me should not be affected by that.
We talked about a trip I am planning on taking with S to see D. W is invited. She even came up with a better idea of S and I visiting her when she is Vegas for a few days before the 3 of us going to visit D. S and W will stay there a few days and come back while I stay there longer with D. She said her girl friend is planning on taking her new daughter to visit her GP out of the country and how she would like to do that as well but how I will not let her take S for 2 weeks.
There is a pattern here that I am noticing. When W says something I would or would not do, it rubs me the wrong way. I would really wish she would come out and say, what do you think about taking S to such and such. I think she has an already build notion of what I am and what I will say. And sometimes she is right. But I have been trying and successfully sometimes so sit back and think about it before making a decision. Anyway that is something I want to bring up with W. I also told her how in a way she is my idol and I look up to her as much as she might not see it. She said she was happy to see the positive changes in me and I said “I know and its too late its too late”. She said that she didn’t say that and hasn’t said it in a long time.. I said “yes its been 3 weeks”… My big mouth again grrrrr.
Instead of leaving things on a good note we continue so more and now we are back onto S and how we both want the best for him. I feel her statements is questioning my fathering ability. She says things like how did I did not grow up with my father, what I am doing with S is what I learned from my mother. I said let me see if I get what you are saying and repeat what she said. I tell her that I don’t have a problem with how I am fathering my son and if there is something wrong with the way I am doing it to let me know. What she keeps saying is how later on in life S and I will bond as they drift apart and that this part of his life it should be more with her. I totally disagree. I said I will not be any less in his life right now or later. From there the convo goes south… and she said she is going to bed I said alright and before you go, I will repeat that S should not be spending time with another man that will cut my time with him. She said she doesn’t want to talk about it tonight but we will discuss it. I said I would like to talk about it now. She said she doesn’t. I said ok fine. She went upstairs and then came back down.. Asked what are the precautions of not talking tonight. I said nothing…. If you don’t want to talk about it, that is fine and left it at that….Grrrrrr