i wonder if alanon would be better for me?? the co-d group doesn't offer suggestions, they just listen. What good does that do?
its chuch based, so I am going tonight to give to higher powers.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
PON, Alanon suggests 6 sessions because each session may be different and you may not like one or more and by suggesting six, it gives you more of a "flavor" as to what they are about.
Magic, Most support groups do not offer up suggestions to its members. They are there to lend support and listen to what you have to say about and your. The same would apply to Alanon as well. I have cut a paragraph out of the information about Alanon that you can see your co-dependency group isn't any different from other support groups as to way they support others.
"Members don’t give counsel to one another during meetings. There shouldn’t be any cross-talk during discussions. In other words, only talk about yourself and don’t comment on or advise other members. Members learn how to solve their common problems by listening to what has worked for others. This doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily agree with everything you hear. Al-Anon suggests you take what you like from a meeting, and leave the rest behind."
As you can see from this paragraph, you have to be the one to actually work on yourself and while you are in the meetings, you can pick up tips from listening to others as to what may or may not help you w/your self improvements and your situation. The key word here is "listening".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Every group is different . ACOA to me seemed like a pity party and didn't focus on what was important , recovery and stop blaming or saying oh it's my "ACOA" I'm lucky because this group is just different and I can tell by the support I'm getting already.
This group focuses on getting you out of "self" mode and calls you out on your true character . Ironically my wife told me a year ago I was selfish and now I'm slowly starting to realize she was right
Every group is different . ACOA to me seemed like a pity party and didn't focus on what was important , recovery and stop blaming or saying oh it's my "ACOA" I'm lucky because this group is just different and I can tell by the support I'm getting already.
This group focuses on getting you out of "self" mode and calls you out on your true character . Ironically my wife told me a year ago I was selfish and now I'm slowly starting to realize she was right
Snodderly, I don't understand how sitting at a table with approx 10 women can help. The leader asks 4 questions... each one answers or passes. Questions that really have NOTHING to do with co-d. This takes a full hour to answer, then its coffee social time.
Your first 3 statments are exactly what is said at the beginning of our group. Question #1 is "have you started your moral list yet?" Question #2 "what is stopping you from writing your moral list?" Question #3 is "does anyone have any victories to celebrate" Question #4 "does anyone have anything you would like us to pray for"
I sit and listen to these women, who share some of their hurts and other struggles with eating disorders, abuse, depression, procrastination, co-d (very little).
PON ~ please tell me what happens at your meeting? What kind of support are you getting?
I wonder if I would do better in a Divorce Group ~ again, offered on Thursdays at the church. Both your comments would be appreciated, as well as any others who went to a Divorce group. (UGH, the thought of accepting to be in that group).
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
My group is alanon but not officially supported by Alanon because they don't follow the rules exactly. My first meeting was me and 10 women in a meeting. (awkward, but I'm broken I don't care)
I shared my story but then it was open discussion. Everyone chimed in and shared. After the meeting I met a guy across the hall from AA meeting. His wife in alanon he is in AA. Perfect scenario actually. Anyways he gives me his number for support and he is helping me recover. I've talked to him twice for hour at a time. He kept it real for me:
1. Alanon group uses AA book. They try to keep it really simple 2. You need a higher power, doesn't have to be god but you can't do this alone. He also stated he is not a bible thumper or a bible study guy. He just prays everyday 3. you need to stop labeling yourself acoa and codependent PON. Or I can't help you. How about we call you "really f'd up person" 4. he told me he never met anyone in ACOA who didn't get stuck as a victim, some alanon groups too. This is different. We recover. 5. he took the role of a temporary sponsor for me. 6. I asked him what to do between now and Thursday. He said nothing. Pray. Simple prayers. Start becoming less self. Pray about it.
I am extremely grateful to find this group and I do not plan on missing a Thursday.
I haven't started the steps yet, but he asked me to go through them once and see how I feel after that. This is the work I should have been doing after my W came back 4 months ago and I got laxed.
He said there are not guarantees. No guarantee that I will recover. No guarantee that your W will come back or after you heal you will want to remain in the current M. He agreed that my situation at home isn't easy and just told me to lean on the support and keep praying. I've added prayer everyday.
I guess the moral of my story is to try different groups. As many as you can until you find a fit. I went to ACOA a few times and was turned completely off by it. When you find a group you will know.
The one thing I did tell my sponsor today was that I am struggling staying married right now. I don't know how I handled the 6 months of silent treatment and coo koo juice roller coaster ride prior to this new BD.
I know GAL, work on self, focus on self and kids. I'm now 2 months into new BD. The only thing I can say is I'm less then 1 week into true recovery.
Does anyone have a good guideline they use when trying to define pursuit? I always struggle with this. Maybe I over think it. Way out to work saying "have a good day" pursuit ? Basically asking anything with expectation of response?? Dinner was good? I know it sounds so trivial but I get hung up in this sometimes
