Magic, I have spent 13 years studying MLC and to be honest w/you, you will never get all of the answers to the "whys, what if's, how can they do this or that" questions. Mlc is not recognized as a disease in today's society. It is an emotional journey for those who travel it. We all go through transitions, but some do not have the proper coping skills, which, in turn, trigger the full blown crisis. Mlc is not just about the little red sports car, younger women/men, gold chains and muscle shirts. Yes, we all grew up thinking those things because no one really talked about it many years ago. The first time I heard about it was when Bill Clinton did his dirty little deed w/Monica.
In the real world, I've not seen support groups for MLC. There are a number of MLC forums on the web and I can honestly tell you that this forum is the most compassionate one. I am a member of 5 different forums and I will be perfectly honest w/you, they would not tolerate the constant questions that you ask 10 different ways and they would shut you down very quickly and tell you to get a life and let the man go. This forum is one of the best ones out there because the posters come here for advice and take what advice that applies to their situation. The posters actually care about the people posting, not just here but in the real world. Bottom line, support groups are available to help anyone w/their problems, but most importantly, they are there to help you get back on your feet and to find solutions on your own that would fit your particular need. They will not have a magic potion to help you get your SO back. They focus only on the person attending the group.
You have been given a lot of "free" advice/suggestions that would have most likely have costed you thousands of dollars by now had you been visiting a counselor or a therapist. One of the things that I have noticed is that you are still looking for a magical potion to fix the problem. You are expecting people to tell you what to do or how to fix the situation. There is no magic pill when dealing w/mlc. You can't fix the problem. It's his problem to fix. The only person that you need to worry about right now is yourself. You are the one that is technically out on the street. What are you going to do to make your life better? How are you going to survive if your SO decides he doesn't want you back under the same roof w/him? You need to be planning how you are going to make your life better in the short duration because from what you have posted, it doesn't look like he is ready to have you come home.
Magic, I am very much aware that you are frustrated because you can't get the answers you want, but I can honestly tell you this...until you drop the rope and leave the situation alone, nothing will change. You need to take your entire focus off your personal relationship w/your SO and turn the focus back on to you. Changes take time and it could take a long time for those changes to become permanent and for him to see that changes are taking place. As pointed out over on PON's thread, there are no guarantees in life and no one can guarantee that you and your SO will reconcile. But, I can assure you, that if you listen and apply some of the advice/suggestions that have been provided to you, your chances are far greater in having a civil relationship w/your SO than if you continue to remain stuck in the muck, stomping your feet, always wanting answers to questions that none of us can answer, not even your SO can answer them at this time because he may not even know why he's doing what he's doing.
Life is far too short and you have spent entirely too much time focusing on him and trying to be a mindreader. Magic, it's time that you live your life for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
