New to This - An English Man In Trouble

[Hadlee58]

Hi Guys, I have been avidly reading the threads on these boards for the last few months and there is a lot of great advice to take in which I am failing miserably at doing. 3 months in and I seem to be living in a dream, portraying to all (pleasing everyone but myself) that I am getting on with my life and being strong and confident when inside I am a quivering wreck and not at all!!

I have been married to my wife (35) for 9 years in August and together for 14 years. We have two wonderful children (B 7yrs and G 4yrs). My wife decided in March that she wanted to put an end to our M, although we have both threatened this in the past I never thought it would be for real this time. She stated that the marriage had been bad for years and she now has the opportunity to do things for her, blaming me for controlling her for that time (I have a different view on that). That said I know I haven’t been the great husband and had got myself into a rut, working hard, coming home and watching TV not engaging in conversation (she’s always on face book). Some of these actions of hers probably have been caused by my actions. I have been the typical “mr nice guy” throughout our marriage (great book!!). I have my wife on a pedestal and would always try to do things to make things right for her and paid no intentions to my own personal needs, had low self esteem and pretty much did as she said, although she says I was the one controlling her….. I help so much around the house and always would buy her flowers and gifts (part of my resentment that built up was she never did the same).
We did have some fiery encounters over the years for which we were both partly to be blamed for and I am truly sorry for my part in them but I always seen them as part of married life, surely everyone has major rows at some stage?
Back in March I moved out for a couple of weeks and one night we had a really great conversation (probably the best we had had in years) in which I told her I was sorry for the wrongs I had done, I luckily managed to get her to give things one last go, or at least I thought lucky!! I do think at this time I was just doing whatever she wanted to me to do to get back with her.
I spent the next 8 weeks doing everything I could to make her see I had changed and although there was some fleeting good days my overall opinion was that she had lost the fight and wasn’t trying, Although she did say it was both of us all she could see was the bad things I had done and could only see the bad things in our relationship, something I thought we both needed to do to draw a line in the sand and move forward. During this time I was needy and down and did all the things I shouldn’t, beg/cry/plead etc all which make me feel such embarrassment now. After the 8 weeks she decided it was time again to move on and offered to move out, Mr nice guy stepped in and told her I would move out whilst there was still a chance, I did say that I would only do this whilst there was still hope and as soon as she made a decision I would move home. Staying away for the last 3 weeks has been the hardest thing I have done, during this time she would post on face book what a great time she was having which would break my heart some which were below the belt, I even wrote her a letter which she acknowledged ‘meant a lot’ but unfortunately for me not ‘enough’.
Last Friday we decided to go for a few drinks and it was a great night although she was occasionally weepy and I returned to my 4 walls feeling a lot better and that I might be making slow progress. On Saturday morning she rang me to tell me that she had been to view a house to rent and that was that. True to myself and my word I moved back home on Saturday evening and its been fairly tense since (she thinks she will be able to move out early July). She has said she doesn’t want a divorce yet but can never see us together again, in effect its all over. I still love her and want to work on our marriage but everything I do seems to be met with a brick wall, she cant see any of the good memories at all, which I think far out weigh the bad!! Last September I had a vasectomy and although I don’t want any more children (whatever the future holds) it really hurts that surely you only have this done if your in your marriage for life, to find out a couple of months later its all over causes me great distress. We have both been so committed to our children’s lives (probably too much) that I think we have parked our own and now things are getting easier on that front it seems such a shame that we did that and it caused our downfall, I have told her its surely worth trying again for the sake of the children (careful to point out that I don’t want to stay and be unhappy) but that it’s a reason to try every last thing. If this is to end in divorce I would always regret that we didn’t try with every fibre of our bodies to make sure, it would still be such a shame but I think I could square it with my own conscience at least if we had tried everything. All I want is us to draw a line in the sand forget the past (acknowledge the bad bits and work to put right) and try to return to the good times, she is more interested in a concert in a few weeks with her palls 

Any advice would be much appreciated:
Am I too far gone that its time to give up?
How can I make her see the good times?
How do I work around her friends all giving her advice to move on?
How do I handle these next 3-4 weeks in the same house? My heart is broken!
I have offered to sleep on the sofa which I am, is this coming across as I would do anything? Do I need to toughen up?
All she says is she wants to be happy, how can I get her to a place that I am part of that?
Thanks in advance for any help!!!