Somebody told me once, I think it may have been 25yearmlc, that you HAVE to remember that this is not easy on the WAS. Seperation, divorce, damaging children, financial crisis, its all horrible. The WAS feels this just as much as we do. They are not horrible people. These are the men and women that we lived our lifes with, the parents of our children, people we knew and loved with all our hearts and souls. The kicker is, they can't show it because that would be like an admission of being wrong. They have to enforce their decisions so they can prove to themselves they are making the right choice to move on. So, they speak in complete negatives, act like somebody we don't even know, play us in the role of the bad guy. They are desperately trying to prove to themselves that they are making the right moves, so they never need to look back. But in reality, they are really struggling with their decisions. We focus on the LBS most of the time, but it has to be incredibly hard for the WAS. They are having just as hard of a time as the LBS, maybe even more because on top of everything else, they are feeling the guilt. I would bet money that my wife has shed as many (or possibly more) tears than I have since BD, yet I have never seen her cry. She has never shown me an ounce of regret or reluctance. But the fact is, our spouses can't be happy about all of this, even though that is what they protray.
When you find yourself in a limbo, it seems so daunting, so grim, but in actuality that limbo can work in our advantage. The WAS is reluctant to move forward, most likely because they are not 100% sure in their decisions. or perhaps, maybe it's financial reasons hiolding them back, or religous reason. Whatever the reason, that limbo gives us time to show them our improvements, to enforce that shadow of a doubt that they are feeling about moving on. We get a chance to make them think, "man, am I really doing the right thing here"....It takes a long time, but the longer it goes, the longer you stay married, and the longer you have the opertunity to win back your spouses attention. Hopefully if things work out, the WAS will see that they should return to a happier, healthier relationship. That is why we have to focus only on ourselves and our children. The only way we get them back is to show them that only a fool would leave us......and if they do ultimately move on, it's their loss, and we still come out as better people in the end.
