My group is alanon but not officially supported by Alanon because they don't follow the rules exactly. My first meeting was me and 10 women in a meeting. (awkward, but I'm broken I don't care)
I shared my story but then it was open discussion. Everyone chimed in and shared. After the meeting I met a guy across the hall from AA meeting. His wife in alanon he is in AA. Perfect scenario actually. Anyways he gives me his number for support and he is helping me recover. I've talked to him twice for hour at a time. He kept it real for me:
1. Alanon group uses AA book. They try to keep it really simple 2. You need a higher power, doesn't have to be god but you can't do this alone. He also stated he is not a bible thumper or a bible study guy. He just prays everyday 3. you need to stop labeling yourself acoa and codependent PON. Or I can't help you. How about we call you "really f'd up person" 4. he told me he never met anyone in ACOA who didn't get stuck as a victim, some alanon groups too. This is different. We recover. 5. he took the role of a temporary sponsor for me. 6. I asked him what to do between now and Thursday. He said nothing. Pray. Simple prayers. Start becoming less self. Pray about it.
I am extremely grateful to find this group and I do not plan on missing a Thursday.
I haven't started the steps yet, but he asked me to go through them once and see how I feel after that. This is the work I should have been doing after my W came back 4 months ago and I got laxed.
He said there are not guarantees. No guarantee that I will recover. No guarantee that your W will come back or after you heal you will want to remain in the current M. He agreed that my situation at home isn't easy and just told me to lean on the support and keep praying. I've added prayer everyday.
I guess the moral of my story is to try different groups. As many as you can until you find a fit. I went to ACOA a few times and was turned completely off by it. When you find a group you will know.
