my feelings aren't where I had wanted them to be by now
When you got married, she felt in love with you. When she divorced you, she did not. I guess that *proves* feelings can change with time right?
The tough thing is that you *cannot* force her to want this, and she cannot force herself to want it either.
She can academically choose to stay, but she can't force herself to feel.
MWD has proposed that feelings can follow actions -- that if you act nice to someone you will feel good about them. I'm sure that there is truth in that, but I don't know how far it goes, or how many prior hurts it can overcome, or for how long.
The feedback I can offer is on this dynamic: W says she's not "feeling it", has doubts, wants to leave. Crimson argues with her and tries to convince her that staying is the right thing, more time is needed, etc. W leaves anyway.
How do you change that dynamic? You need to care less. "Okay W, do what you need to do and let me know how it works out."
This is a type of "fitness test" IMO, where she's pushing you because she wants you to push back. Pushing back in this case is dropping the rope.
I don't think you've talked about an OM situation, but this reads like OM stuff to me. The unrealistic expectations about "how she should feel" is often a comparison to affair excitement that you cannot and will never deliver since you're a known quantity with history.
As others have said Crimson, this is her journey. If she heads to the door, open it for her and wish her well, don't stand in front of it and try to convince her otherwise. Then, think really hard about it next time she wants to come back.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
