our sitches have some similarities too. I think alot of us have several things or at least a few things in common. Like you, My wife and I had no affairs. Wife also gave me the ILYBNILWY speech. She has also told me on several occasions that I am a great guy and that she very well might be making a big mistake. She has said that I am a great Dad. She has said time and time again that she just doesn't want to try. She has wanted to continue a lot of our lives together, even having the wish to be friends with each other after divorce...the similarities go on, but you get the idea.
With that being said, you are on the right path. I struggled SOOOO hard with impatience and the fear of having a long time line. I am just over 8mo. now and nothing major has changed in my R. DBing does get easier as time passes, as well as your ability to detach. Now keep in mind, I have been DBing for 8mo, more or less, and I am still very far from detached. However, it gets better. I am much better now than I was after BD. You will continue to get better too. You're doing great. Keep up with your GAL activities. I don't think I can stress those enough. Keeping your mind and body busy will be one of the biggest keys to your survival.
I had chuck as a coach as well, I think I spoke with him 6 or 7 times. He was insightful, but what he told me all boiled down to basic DBing skills. He was just an actual voice of reason, in contrast to a message board. Listen to him. He knows what he talks about. This forum is crucial too. However, know that while MANY of the people here are very insightful, some of it has to be taken with a grain of salt. Take me for instance, like I REALLY know what I am talking about? Not really. I am just learning as I go. But, I do know that a lot of DBing is very counter-intuitive. You need to be aware of that. I have personally settled in to being very passive with my W. I am always upbeat when speaking with her. I try to be suportive of her feelings and not share many of my own. I am basically acting like a friendly neighbor, and that seems to be keeping the situation less volatile.
Like you, our sep. started off with both parties stating that they didn't know if they would ever date. in regards to my wife, that changed shortly after she moved out. I "think", (and I have to be careful with that because its also considered "mind reading around here), that wife is currently involved in a relationship. Actually, I know she is. I am just not sure if it's purely EA or whether it has gone PA. Early on for me I considered that a deal breaker. I told myself ONCE that happens, I am through. Well, I am not. Your feelings are going to change during this process so be careful about things you say or think in absolute positives. They very well may change, like mine have. Also, don't let time force you. I have set time limits over and over again. It has done nothing but disrupt my ability to DB. This IS going to take a long long time, so settle in for the long haul.
In regards to ML, I would have a couple things on my mind. First, I know that ML does have a connection that brings two parties together on a closer plane. That I know. However, it more than likely not "fix" anything. So, if you are able to deal with it emotionally, I don't see the harm in it. Actually, it could be a positive. However, keep your expectations in a locked box and don't let yourself get spun out of control. That about the only advice I can give you about that.
