Clear goals and a vision for the future

[Lyrael]

Well, (to borrow a phrase), I am no longer fish-sober.

H called early today (11:30am) and asked if i wanted him to buy us a new washer. I have been going to the laundromat since our washer broke shortly after he moved out.
I told him that was fine with me, and that maybe we could get online together this evening.
He said, "Call me when you want to do that."

Then I sat down on my couch and started thinking. I was supposed to go by where he lives to pick up some laundry (I occasionally offer to do that). Did he offer to buy us a washer because he didn't want me to come by? Was something going on?
So...instead of working on fighting my feelings and out-of-control thoughts, I called him back and asked if I could bring S by to say "hi." He said "sure, we could grab some dinner. Call me around 3 or 4."

So S and I take a long, wonderful, much-needed nap. We woke up around 3 and I gave H a call. "Is it okay for me to bring S by?"
He says sure, the shop is fairly empty, and my partner is busy, so he won't bother us.
Then I push - " What about dinner?"
"He says well, I am not really feeling like eating, and I'm afraid if I leave I'll miss customers and money."

I lost it. Internally, anyway.
"We haven't seen you all week! I haven't even bugged you about coming over, and you can't take 30 minutes to have dinner with your son?"

"I'm sorry, I just want us to get caught up - we have to pay for the washer, and bills."
Then I go even further.
" You know, why don't we cancel our plans for tomorrow - I can't handle you coming over and expecting me to be your buddy, when I have more feelings for you than that. You could see S during the week when I'm at work."
Him: "Why are you getting all pissed off at me, and being weird?" (being weird is his code for - you're messing with our family sunday plans, and I don't want to cancel them)
Me: "I'm not all pissed off, I just am obviously not where you are. I know you've gotten over me and moved on, but I haven't, so I have a really hard time just being friends."
H: "I didn't say that - didn't you ever think I might still be under you?" (yes, he really said that - he gets a wacky sense of humor when we get into uncomfortable situations)
Me: I really wanted to let myself be charmed at this point, but I think he just said he wasn't over me to keep me from being mad at him. So I didn't say anything. I just sat there for a second.
H: "How about I bring dinner over there? I can't stay long, but I could spend an hour with you guys."
Me: "I don't want you coming over because you feel like you have to, and I don't want to feel bad when you cancel again."
H: "I won't cancel if we agree on it - is it okay with you if I come over then?"
Me: "Yeah, I guess so."
H: " But you have to promise not to be all mad when I have to go back to work." (He owns his own shop, so he sets his hours for the most part.)
Me: "I won't. Are you sure you're okay with coming over?"
H: "I'll call when I'm ready to walk out the door."
Me: "Okay, bye."

So now what do I do - do I tell him he doesn't have to come over, since I just feel like a great big witch for getting upset?
AUGH!!!

Myrrh