How to proceed with angry, almost-walkaway H?

[MrBond]

"Recently, he told me that he's noticed the changes in me, but he still feels scared -- he asked me not to hug/kiss/touch him. Not yet.

How do I meet his top 2 needs for affection and sexual fulfillment when right now he doesn't want me to touch him??"

What have you been doing together?

"
End-May: He called OW during our trip. She asked about me and he admitted that I was travelling with him. Feeling betrayed, she sent him a goodbye email.

OW: In these 3 months, we've been through many ups and downs. There were several times we should have already said goodbye. I'm not in the right position. I should have disappeared. Goodbye.
H: I'm sorry to put you through this roller coaster. Travelling with her doesn't change how I feel for you. Right now, I am only waiting for the time to do what I want to do.
OW: Okay…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I was in pieces… Reading the emails, I sensed that OW is very needy and craves the attention and support from H -- She's all alone working in a foreign country. But she's at least mature enough to step back every so often to say "This is wrong".

So in desperation, I texted OW and asked her to stop contacting H. She replied that she'd decided to stop anyway. Afterwards, I regretted contacting her. In time, H may realise for himself that she's not for him (or he may not), but I prevented him from going on that journey… Now I won't know if he's with me because he WANTS to be with me.

Those few days after her goodbye were torture. Every fiber of my being was in pain but I had to pretend that I didn't know. As for him, I've never seen him look more miserable.

What should I do now??

1. Why does DB discourage confrontation? Could someone please explain? Should I continue to pretend that I don't know?"

In your H's position, I'm not sure if it would do any good. When was the last correspondence? After you contacted the OW, I'm pretty sure she told your H and that it shook her up. That's why he seems miserable.

"2. I'm utterly torn between the Retrouvaille method (more communication, connection) and DB (no R talk, more space). On one hand, the Retrouvaille dialogues are useful (it gives me a chance to "hear" him out -- he's said many times that I don't listen to him)."

Did your H ever tell you about the OW?

"3. His attitude
We have good days but he's been increasingly distant and indifferent."

This is just you being more sensitive than normal. In the past if he didn't respond, you might have blown it off. Don't worry about this.

"4. At this point, I'm very tempted to ask for a short separation, so that he'll hopefully miss me and change his attitude. But I know I shouldn't make that move."

Don't ever do this as a ploy. He may use the time to contact the OW more.

"5. As long as the WAS stays home, how can I give him adequate SPACE?"

What did he ask you for?

How much changing have you done and what EXACTLY have you changed?