Quote: Big goal 1: To not fight with H anymore. Breakdown: When he starts pushing my mad buttons (cancelling plans, being preoccupied, no paying attention to what I'm saying), I will NOT respond! I will come to the board and post, journal, or write him a (non-mailable) letter.
my question for you is this? this is all fine and dandy if maybe this is a phone conversation but how will you handle it on a face to face encounter, you have to be a bit more prepared - can't very well during a conversation with him disappear and come to the bb can you? let's work on this one a bit more
Quote: Big goal #2: Stop pressuring him/pursuing him about coming home, coming over, etc. Doable goal #2: I am going to work on getting my domestic sitch in order (the house is a mess!), spend time with DS, and try to get in contact more with friends.
what are your plans with your house? how are you going to organize it? can i recommend FlyLady? what are you going to do with DS? what are your plans with your other friends? do you have a set list of friends in mind and do you have a set thing to do?
Quote: Big goal #3: Act like things are normal. Someone asked me "what would normal look like?" Well, I guess my real goal here is to be more accepting of the sitch as it is, rather than how I want it to be. I would stop having big R talks, stop panicking and getting angry/crying when he isn't as affectionate as I wish he would be sometimes. I want my interactions with him to be calm and pleasant.
accepting and acting 'as if' are two different things. in the brain psyche they are treated two different ways. when you act 'as if' you fool your brain into believing something that isn't necessarily true and it starts to dictate your actions 'as if' they were true. accepting puts your brain into a different mode and your body language will reflect that mode...
