Bad Timing and Making a Mess of Things

[slow_it_down]

I wish I could say that I'm a newbie and that the mistakes I've made in the past 10 months were because I just didn't know any better. However, I've owned the books and have been an avid reader of these forums for far too long to be able to make such a claim. Instead, I feel like despite knowing better I keep making the same mistakes and sabotaging what could have been a million chances at reconciliation.

It all began last August when I grew frustrated with my H for not adapting to married life quick enough. He wasn't financially pitching in to my taste and wasn't making time to help out with things that needed taken care of at home. I married him knowing he had a busy work schedule but felt like he was just a roommate that had moved in rather than a partner. I made sure to point this out at the exact worst possible time - right when he was feeling immense dissatisfaction with his career and stepping onto the MLC path. He's moved in and out of the house no less than 15 times since then.

I'm finally posting in the forum because I've seen with my own eyes that the DB techniques work for a struggling marriage. Training for a half marathon brought him back. Acting as if I was moving on with my live without him brought him back. Going dark brought him back. But then we'd make it a few days together and the first minor disagreement would send him running. My insecurity, confidence, etc nosedived even further to the point that the minute he'd consider coming back I'd be waiting for him to leave again.

Then I got pregnant.

So here I am 2 months away from having our first child together and he's just informed me he's 'talking to' another woman. (Whom he for some crazy reason thinks I should meet before our son is born).

I need to do two things. 1) Start with a beginners mind (and am looking for suggestions) on how to DB as a pregnant lady with limited options for GAL and 180's, especially since we are physically separated and have no reason to see one another or speak until August. and 2) I need some accountability because I feel like I'm just now really seeing and owning my role in a lot of this. Can you help me stay on track?

I didn't give him any grief over the OW. I calmly said he's welcome to see who he wants and its up to him who he wants around the baby (since I declined meeting her).

He hates that I'm indecisive and change my mind constantly (partly personality, partly me trying to wrestle with wanting to work things out and still not letting go of what made me upset with him in the first place.)

Also, I've noticed about myself that I'm IMPATIENT and am trying to work on patience as my #1 goal. Slowing things waaaay down. Pushing for too much too fast has been perhaps my biggest downfall in all of this.

I also need to give him space. I hate that there always seems to be a reason to contact him, but from now until the baby arrives in August I shouldn't have any valid reason to reach out. How do I keep my hands off the send button to let him live his life?