My W said at one point that she wants to be wanted/asked. Literally, I think she wants me to ask her to do things (like asking her to go on dates). In another respect, I think she just wants me to try harder to help her feel loved.
I read Five Love Languages about a month ago as suggested by many other users on this board. I filled out a list of things last week that I/we can do now and maybe some things I/we can do later if things improve to that point:
Words of Affirmation Now 1) Writing letters/poems 2) Sending texts 3) Saying thank you (showing appreciation for things) Later (Maybe) 1) Telling you how excited you get me
Quality Time Now 1) Walking/exercising together 2) Dating (dinner, dancing, movie, concert) 3) Gin (and other games) 4) Sitting around and talking after the kids go to bed Later (Maybe) 1) Mini-vacations without the kids (Vegas, Bed and Breakfast, Paris, cruise)
Receiving Gifts Now 1) Leaving surprises (like chocolate covered cashews/Swedish Fish) where you will find them 2) Jewelry 3) Plants Later (Maybe) 1) Lingerie 2) Bedroom toys
Acts of Service Now 1) Housework (dishes, laundry, cleaning up, bathing kids and putting them to bed) 2) Yardwork (cutting up tree, preparing area for garden) 3) Special requests (come by and keep kids out of your hair, bring something to your work, print out stuff) Later (Maybe) 1) How may I be of service?
Physical Touch Now 1) Holding hands 2) Bumping into each other for fun Later (Maybe) 1) Neck/back massages 2) Hugging 3) Kissing (and other romantic gestures)
I was thinking of sharing this list with her to see what she is most interested in. It would be nice to have her input to know what makes her feel most loved. If I go that route, I might exclude the Later stuff just so she doesn't think I'm going to fast. Not sure about that yet...
I'm pretty sure that my W's primary love language is Quality Time. I thought she might appreciate things in other areas as well such as Acts of Service.
Unfortunately, I believe my love language is physical touch. I desperately want to ask her if I can hold her hand. When she was really mad a me a few months ago, I would feel desperate and just go up and give her a hug. I thought I was trying to show her closeness and that I still cared. It turns out that I was trying to fill a need in me (while making her more angry at me).
