First off, happy belated B-day. Glad you got to spend it with your D's.
Your strategy...I think is exactly what YOU need to be doing. Unless you want to be just friends with her I think you continue working on you and let her figure her stuff out on her own.
My take, if she wants to R and is truly committed to trying she knows how to convey that to you. Right now she seems confused and scared and stepping into that isn't good for you or her.
I think you're doing great and I admire your strength. God knows I've never had to deal with a W that acted like your XW is now and I hope if it happens I can stay as strong for me as you are right now.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
