Things have been good (considering the sitch) since my last post. I got a new job. This was something I have been flirting with for years, and definitely one of the things my W wished I had done sooner. I didn't do it for her though. I did it for me and it felt great to get the offer. Its a slight bump in pay, and the benefits are great. I start in two weeks. A little nervous with our living situation up in the air, but I feel its something I need/want to do. I'm excited!
Friday I left work early and went fishing with my brother for a few hours. My W texted me pics of S getting ice cream. She continues to contact me regularly, which I guess is good.
Saturday the kids had soccer games. My W was a little late to our daughter's game because her friend was late for their run. As she told me about it, I just listened and sympathized with her about the friend being late. In the past, I would have probably cut her off and said something rude about her friend. I think she is really starting to notice this 180 (listening and validating). I've been consistent lately. In between soccer games, I was walking my W to the car where I had some water/snacks for her after her long run. As we were walking and talking, I said "I've enjoyed our time together lately." Not sure I should have said it, but I did. She said, "Yup." That answer made me laugh inside for a couple reasons, but I just continued on the conversation about something else. During our S soccer game she asked what time it was because she had to leave for work. She accidentally called me "honey" which she has doesn't in at least a month. She quickly corrected herself by saying my name instead. Again, not reading too much into it.
When my W got to work (she was covering a shift for someone) they sent her home because it was slow. She was annoyed. Again, I listened and validated. I was at the farmers market with the kids buying ingredients for pizza, so we brought home lunch from a food truck. W and I got along great the rest of the day. Before making pizza, I went for a quick 15 mile bike ride. She asked how it went when I got home which she hadn't done much of lately. One of our favorite old comedies just happened to come on after the kids were in bed, and we watched that. Lots of good laughs.
Sunday was a busy day full of getting stuff done around the house. I also squeezed in a good trail run. The kids are really enjoying the home improvements, and they love to help. The sense of accomplishment has been great for my PMA. As the day wore on, I noticed my W's mood decreasing. At one point, when the kids were outside, she stopped me in passing and said she was having a bad day. We hugged and she started to cry. When she has done this in the past few weeks, she is sad about the marriage being over. I said I was sorry she was feeling sad, and if she needed to talk about it, I was here. She said she didn't but thanked me. I didn't bring it up again. In the past, I would have asked her again later if she wanted to talk about it, or asked her how she was feeling. Another 180 I've been working on. I did give her a hug in bed when we woke up this morning. The mornings are hard for me. I just want to hold her. Not sure the hug was a good idea as she didn't hug me back. Again, trying not to read into it but maybe I should hold off on doing things like that.
We are a week or so away from telling the kids and trying to figure out how our schedules will work during the separation. She has mentioned it occasionally in the past few weeks. I tell her we need to sit down and figure it out. She says okay but doesn't push the matter. She has done a lot of this lately. Not sure if she is scared to address it, or has doubts. I just keep DBing and see where it goes.
Speaking of DBing, it has been great for me. Yes at first I started it because I wanted to save the M. GALing has been great and doing things around the house has been great for my PMA. The 180s have had a much bigger impact on me than I thought they would. Again, I started them in hopes my W would notice. The more I did them, the more they made me feel good. I am seeing my W in a way I haven't seen her in years. In a way that makes things tough, but I'm just enjoying the time we have together for now...with least expectations as possible. Its hard, but I'm getting better every week.
M:34 W:36 M:10 T:15 D:9 S:5 BD:12/12 Worked on the M for 6 mo before W saying it was over 5/13.
