Riding the storm out, or at least trying to!

[RosaLinda]

How was the birthday party TVS? I hope you had some fun. Did you ever say anything to H about your anniversary? 

Look at this great advice Snodderly just gave me about dealing with my H and the next conjugal visit he is planning with the Tramp. It is equally appropriate to your sitch with Twinkle, and the whole beach trip scenario!  

God bless that Snodderly! So let's just leave our fellas in the oven baking a bit longer!

"Your mlcer will wake up on his own time clock. There are a few that will wake up because of a precipitating event, but eventually, they will go back into mlc because their journey wasn't over. You see, once the crisis begins, it has to run it's full course or it will come back to haunt them again. We caution posters not to force an event or snatch them out of their crisis? Why? Because when they do re-enter MLC land, it will be are worse than the last time. It's better to leave them alone and allow them to bake up fully on their on time clock.

Most affairs will die a natural death if we leave them to it. The more you point out the things that Tart is doing, the more he will be inclined to protect her and want to be w/her."

[Takevowsserious]

Hi Everyone ~

Thanks for stopping by Snodderly, Miz J, UW, and Linda. I look forward each night to reading everyone's comments.

The disappointment over yesterday was still there this morning, but I got past it. I didn't want to have anything get in the way of a happy day for S3. Plus, I thought about the perspective UW has always taken - my wedding day is a special memory for me, it will always be a special memory for me. While parts of the day are a blur, there are other moments that are crystal clear in my mind. And they are all very happy.

And yes, no one can ever take that away from me.

I know I always say this, but I would love to know what went on in H's mind yesterday. Did he think about our wedding at all? Does he even remember it?

Linda, thank you for reposting what Snodderly put on your thread. She does pretty much rock

I feel like I have come this far, and I want to see this through. Plus, I want him to have the space and freedom to see it through. I believe he will.

It's the LONG time frame that makes it tough.

And the part about A's dying a natural death and not bad mouthing the tart so he has to defend her? Yeah, I totally see that. I like to even take it a step farther. By getting out of the way and focusing on yourself, the tart may begin to bad mouth you and your H may not like that or feel the need to defend you. Which of course will make her more insecure and angry...

Let her do all the dirty work of trying to control and manipulate him. We wives just stay out of the way

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The party was great! Both boys took good naps beforehand, so everyone was well rested and in a good mood

H was really nice today, very much like his old self. He didn't come up to bed last night. This morning he said that he barely slept, that he was itchy and didn't feel good.

I thought back to last year's party - he wasn't the bizarre alien he was like at S5's party a month before, but he texted the entire time, and was not very interested.

This year was much different. No texting, at least that I saw. Was social, and talked and socialized with our families. Seemed at ease.

I wore a new outfit today, and although he didn't say anything (of course!), I saw him checking me out several times.

At the end of the party, I asked my mom to take a picture of me, H, and the birthday boy.

Since the bomb, H typically tries not to be near me in pics, avoids any physical contact with me. Today, he plastered himself right next to me as I held S3 on my lap. It was like having a normal family photo taken.

This is going to sound weird... But I had this excited feeling when my mom was taking the picture. I couldn't wait for a moment alone to look at it.

So when everyone left and H went to shower, I looked at the picture.

H is actually smiling with his teeth showing, something he's stopped doing during MLC. And he looks normal, no strange look in his eyes or uncomfortable expression.

Looks like I got an anniversary present after all

Good night

[BRNR]

TS- I am proud of you that you can see the positives in your sitch...one of my goals.

Take care, it seems you did a lot of reflecting on recent events, which always sends me into an emotional storm, but you are a very strong, classy lady!

[uRworthy]

I didn't want to have anything get in the way of a happy day for S3.

You are such a good mommy

My wedding day is a special memory for me, it will always be a special memory for me. And yes, no one can ever take that away from me.

You got that right!

I know I always say this, but I would love to know what went on in H's mind yesterday. Did he think about our wedding at all? Does he even remember it?

I believe he did remember what day it was, T. And he thought about it a bit. But in his MLC jello brain, he couldnt say anything about it.


Let her do all the dirty work of trying to control and manipulate him. We wives just stay out of the way

True dat! I like the way you think. LOL!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So happy the party went well and that your h participated and was pleasant. And the picture - pretty significant, I think.

I keep praying that this will not go on too much longer and that he realizes what he has in you.

You have been extraordinary throughout this, T. Really.

Looks like I got an anniversary present after all

Yes, you did, my friend and I couldnt be happier for you.

[ForeverYoung]

So when everyone left and H went to shower, I looked at the picture.

H is actually smiling with his teeth showing, something he's stopped doing during MLC. And he looks normal, no strange look in his eyes or uncomfortable expression.

Looks like I got an anniversary present after all

Good night

I'm so glad to hear this! Make sure to keep a copy with you so you can look at it over and over for inspiration.

[job]

T,
I'm glad everything turned out great yesterday for your little one's birthday.

As for the photo, it is very telling. If he's smiling and there isn't a "deer in the headlight look" to the eyes, then he's well on his way to cooking up nicely.

I'm glad the photo was taken and you need to frame it and look at it each and every time you need strength to carry on.

[RosaLinda]

"Linda, thank you for reposting what Snodderly put on your thread. She does pretty much rock :) 

I feel like I have come this far, and I want to see this through. Plus, I want him to have the space and freedom to see it through. I believe he will. 

It's the LONG time frame that makes it tough. 

And the part about A's dying a natural death and not bad mouthing the tart so he has to defend her? Yeah, I totally see that. I like to even take it a step farther. By getting out of the way and focusing on yourself, the tart may begin to bad mouth you and your H may not like that or feel the need to defend you. Which of course will make her more insecure and angry...

Let her do all the dirty work of trying to control and manipulate him. We wives just stay out of the way :)"

Good advice, my friend. I believe you're right, as these OWs get more desperate because our Hs stubbornly refuse to leave home, they'll get more strident and nastier and more demanding. My H told me the Tramp hates the fact that he still lives here with me. I overheard part of a conversation they were having on skype not long ago (okay, I admit it, I was eavesdropping ) and in her cute accent the Tramp yelled "why do you listen to THAT WOMAN -- who does she think she is -- the quing?" (I guess she meant queen?) H answered very quietly "she's my wife" Ha!

"This year was much different. No texting, at least that I saw. Was social, and talked and socialized with our families. Seemed at ease. 

I wore a new outfit today, and although he didn't say anything (of course!), I saw him checking me out several times. 

At the end of the party, I asked my mom to take a picture of me, H, and the birthday boy. 

Since the bomb, H typically tries not to be near me in pics, avoids any physical contact with me. Today, he plastered himself right next to me as I held S3 on my lap. It was like having a normal family photo taken.

This is going to sound weird... But I had this excited feeling when my mom was taking the picture. I couldn't wait for a moment alone to look at it.

So when everyone left and H went to shower, I looked at the picture.

H is actually smiling with his teeth showing, something he's stopped doing during MLC. And he looks normal, no strange look in his eyes or uncomfortable expression. 

Looks like I got an anniversary present after all " 

Oh I'm so glad the party went well and you had fun! What did S3 name his blue fish? I'm sure you looked HOT and your H noticed!!! It must have felt good to have him plastered next to you

A couple of people have mentioned their MLCer looking "off" in photos and this puzzled me. But I just remembered taking a candid photo of my H at an Octoberfest last year, and deciding not to forward it to him because he looked so awful. So I looked back over my photos, and you're right, he looks strange in most of them. Sort of old, saggy, and gray, with strange eyes, like his smile did not reach his eyes. He looked better and more normal in the most recent one at S27's college graduation. I hope that does not mean the Tramp IS better for him...

That photo IS a great anniversary present for you

[mizjjd]

Yay T!

I'm glad you got an unexpected gift. And how much more meaningful than a store bought card.

[reachingHigher]

Hi tvs,

I could hardly wait to read your writeup of yesterday's events so I read it as soon as my H went in the shower. Then I teared up so much I didn't think I could hide it and was worried he would think I was crying about him and me! Lol!

You got an anniversary present I didn't get. Despite the beautiful restaurant, show and all that....my H barely smiled and ... no teeth either. He saves that for when he is drinking with his friends. But YOU my friend got a really special picture!

I'm so glad he was able to act mostly normal, socialize and noticed your new outfit. I totally understand the desire to look at the pic thoroughly in private. It gives a little glimpse into the feelings your H has at times for you and the boys.

With cultivation, this little seed and plant of love will grow.

Eric Clapton:

Let it grow, let it grow,
Let it blossom, let it flow.
In the sun, the rain, the snow,
Love is lovely, let it grow.

How wonderful for S3 (already!!!) to look back and have a lovely memory for his birthday.

And congratulations for putting the hurt aside of H not mentioning the anniversary of the day before. You are a special mommy indeed

And no visible texting during the party? What a relief!

I'm happy for all this. I know the time frame seems long. But I can tell you, despite my complaints during this reconnection phase, it's wonderful to see the one you love, changes and all...working through their depression. And perhaps a beautiful R down the road.

Keep smiling tvs!

Hugs,
rH

[BRNR]

He looked better and more normal in the most recent one at S27's college graduation. I hope that does not mean the Tramp IS better for him...

I have noticed this with my H too, Okay, I only saw one he looks good in, but I wonder....