TODAY i'm thinking you and i are merely marking time- gaining patience (wisdome of some sort) and we're impatient to get on with our lives. you're alot younger- but even at my age- i am thinking i'm wasting my time & life alot of the time.
this business of sitting waiting- killing time- "wasting my life" ... it gets to me. i may not have something wonderful to do otherwise - but sometimes anything has got to be better than this limbo stuff. maybe for me it's all about lables - what i call it.
i used to think LOVE warranted all or any work or sacrifice. if it's not that- i don't know anymore why we do anything for anyone.
talk about "stuck" .
i'm thinking of alot of your prior comments this morning-
People here say it- TODAY I BELIEVE IT - this db forum is FOR US to get out of their tunnel.
like you - i don't think my h is THE person i'm going to end up WANTING to spend my life with. sooo much water under that bridge- sooo much pain cheerfully heaped on another person- says soo much about his underlying character.
doesn't it really say something about the man? -
well, do we ever forget all the way- no. do we continue to feel what we did- maybe not. maybe, but maybe not. i've got attachment - true- what exactly it is - don't know- can't figure it out now. i can probably forgive and maybe forget- i don't know after that.
i'm on hold (emotionally) here awaiting- SOMETHING. WISDOM??
YOU know, your little sit still and it will come...
i'm thinking today - i'm viewing it all as MY TIME and MY CURE to ride thru this- giving myself the permission to fumble and fall and sit here like a dork- undecided, unable to throw him out the window- unable to change him - or it or anything...
that's all. i do not have big fancy hopes for him being the guy he used to be. i don't have big fancy hopes for our r being what it was - (it could be something - i don't think he'll make it happen as it would have to. - i don't see him turning back into a normal person).
my h and his r with ow- your h and his r with the object of his pity(?) who he's saving -
i don't know- honestly. the devotion these guys are pouring onto them- it is their own neediness that inspires it- but how does that help you and me.
maybe for your h it's depression and can be pulled back from. mine, i don't think so. today- in the light of day- if i'm honest - i think he's just a guy i thought was quirky- but it's lack of values (similar to mine) honesty being chief one. a lifestyle if you will - or a character flaw -
i think it's who he was- and i just never knew. now i do- whattyado about that? knowledge... seems today like it's there forever and no backs.
i don't know aboutyour h and the depression- out of my realm of experience. i listen to you- i can feel as dispirited and "done" as you-
i'm riding thru this- i can do one more day- i can hopefully NOT speak up today- that is all.
SO- WHAT ABOUT YOU. ARE YOU FEELIN ANY BETTER? DID YOUR ANNIVERSARY GO OKAY- was your weekend okay despite it all?
i hope so - i'm sorry not to be more cheerie today. nothing bad goin on here- just some icky reality junk creeping into my head this morning.
i am going to try and allow myself some kind of "relief" from feeling pressured to understand, act, figure, etc.
we're just being swept along in this mlc tsunami- unable to get out of the water- hoping not to get hit by some floating car- who knows, maybe today one of us will brush up against a tree still standing and get a foothold above the tide -
