I really relate to the anxiety - one of the reasons I eventually went wholly dark. But you have to face the fact that he may effectively 'disappear' for a while. For me it was a relief. I heard nothing from him for a couple of years!! Not as easy with young children, but mine are now all grown up.
Does staying in contact help? I don't know. I suspect not, as when I have had recent contact on a fairly regular basis my xh gets 'comfortable' and starts displaying his MLC behaviors again - my sons find the same, so it isn't just me. Self justification, less spewing as i think he is not as angry. And he is such a VICTIM these days. Apparently we all deserted and shunned him - no recognition that his behavior is the reason that no-one could have any contact with him. I haven't had a conversation with him that felt 'normal' for over 7 years. I miss that as he was my best friend.
I really miss who he was, but who he now is - not at all.
