Bea, the spew is hard to understand. I guess the need for it serves a purpose. It masks the pain that's underneath. Sadly, MLCers add to their pain by hurting their families and dissolving relationships. It must be exhausting to live life avoiding, justifying, etc. and not being at peace with themselves.
I really wish I could handle the communication issue differently. Maybe I will in time. I just don't like the anxiety that kicks in when I see an email from him in my queue. The whole fight or flight reaction kicks in. I want to always be kind and I am most of the time. To respond any other way makes my anxiety worse because I know he will hurl something hurtful at me. I don't want to be involved in that. It just feels all wrong. NC doesn't feel good either, but I honestly don't know what else to do. I really want to do the right thing. I'm just so tired of the battling. We rarely argued during our M (not good I now realize) so 20+ years of stuffed feelings are being released.
Bea, thank you for sharing. It does help to know that it's a common problem.
