KD, like your STBX I, too, made a lot of unilateral decisions about the kids and home. That was something that my H brought up. I gave serious thought to that. It wasn't always like that. I deferred to him often, but he basically threw everything back at me to handle. Once I stop working everything on the homefront was my "job." H's day ended, but mine never did. I was busy multi-tasking from sun up, til sun down. I didn't get help from H. He would watch tv in the evening while I was busy cleaning up from dinner, bathing the kids, etc. My work was never done. Seriously, what kind of man lets/expects their wife to do it all alone and then blames her because he's uninvolved. The lack of R that my H has with the boys says it all. It's amazing to me that he left to find his manhood, yet he's less of a man (in my eyes) than he was before. No self-respecting man would leave a wife and kids on their own while he parties, dates, etc. I can't imagine how he faces himself each day knowing what a failure he really is. He can lie to those he has selected to be in his inner circle, but he knows who he really is.
Clearly, my H is a fragile person without a strong sense of himself. His need to continue spewing at me tells me that. Again, he certainly can't feel more manly by constantly berating me. An evolved, strong man protects a woman's heart. I'm still the mother of his children after all.
Whew! I'm sorry about the rant. I really needed to get that out. I've been so focused on being loving and kind that the hurt feelings have festered.
I truly hope my H can face what's troubling him. When that starts to happen maybe communication will improve. Until then, I will continue working on detaching. It is so very hard to totally disconnect from someone that has known me intimately for more than half of my life. There were events that only he was present for like the birth of our boys. It's just very sad.
