Getting Uncomfortable

[mizjjd]

H is at his parents. MIL has surgery sometime tomorrow. Its kind of odd, to me anyway, but apparently there is not a time "set" for the surgery. It is considered a special/emergency and will be "worked in". So could be first thing - or not.

Had an interesting texting communication with H through out the day, and I would like to share/journal some of it.

At around 10 AM, H texted

Was planning on leaving at noon but I want to play (blackjack) and the table won't open until noon. I'm torn by time restriction and fact that I'm up (have made $) So do I leave now or play? It would be 2 more hours I could spend with mom.

I answered

You need to go ___. The casino will always be there.

I was tempted to sputter something like "Really? Your mom is facing life threatening surgery, and you don't know if you should delay leaving a few more hours so you can play cards????"

But then I thought. I thought about how hard this is on my H. He really, really really doesn't deal well with death at all. When my parents died he was all chipper and "you feel better now" until the day they died. Just total denial of what was in front of his face. And this time its HIS parents. He must be scared to near paralysis. I realized he was asking not whether he should go, but whether he really had to go face the mortality of his parents, which of course too means the mortality of himself. He didn't want to, he wanted to stay and hide in the oblivion of the casino, to avoid the fear of losing a mother, to avoid the pain of his FIL, and to avoid his own pain.

And then he texted.

I'm on my way.

And I knew what a huge huge thing this was for him. So I texted that I was glad he wasn't delaying his trip. And I thought for several minutes and then texted him this.

I want you to know I am proud of you. Going to, and being with, your ailing parents is difficult and frightening. But it is the right thing - and you are a good son, a good man.

Just now H called me. He filled in the details regarding MIL.
She has a 40% survival rate.

FIL's plan for tomorrow is to get to the hospital early enough to kiss MIL as she gets wheeled into surgery and then go home and go to sleep. He doesn't want to know until he wakes up.

H plans to be there, in the hospital, the whole time. This means he will be the one to break the news, good or bad, about MIL. (I really wish I could be there for him. Sigh.)

And then H said, "About that text you sent to me. I want you to know how much it meant to me. I read it several times, and thought about it the whole ride up here. And it made me think that it took me a long time to become "a good son", so maybe it will take me a long time, but maybe one day I can be a good husband too."

Ahem. Pardon me, getting a little teary here. And I don't even know what I said in return. Not much of anything, probably not the right thing. Because I was surprised. Well, shocked really. And because I didn't want to get into a R talk.

And I know that people who are grieving say and do things out of character. So I know it might not mean anything at all in the long run.

But it was something to hear, you know?

So anyway. Calling on all good wishes and prayers please for MIL, FIL and H. And maybe some for me too, tomorrow will be a long day of "checking my phone" for news.

Peace