I guess that is where my confusion kicks in -- I felt that we were making progress on communication and expressing feelings. At least in terms of simply putting things out there.
There were moments when I would share my feelings (like being afraid that she would pack up and leave again) and she would get upset....incidents like that are what she called "arguments" today. I told her I just don't see things like that as an argument. Rather, just things that are part of a larger, difficult discussion that we need to have. I never felt like we "argued" I was never angry....never mad....never really even defensive - that is a first.
I just don't get it I guess. Parenting was going better, S was/is adjusting and is good having ONE set of house rules, she was happy he was in a place where he could cry and scream and not p*ss off the neighbors. We were doing well adjusting to working as a team with regard to parenting. Sex was coming along nicely - neither forced nor awkward....it was actually better.
She noticed and spoke of changes....yet still took a big step backwards today. I felt as though slow, steady progress was being made. I just don't know what made her run today.
There were days when I knew that putting it all back together would be hard, but sometimes I felt as though she believed it would or should be easy. Often I felt as though if something became difficult she read it as being "forced" - she would often say she didn't feel a "flow" between us. I would think about it for awhile and then say that I thought it was because we were re-establishing exactly what that "flow" is.
I am trying to fall back on the notion that there is no linear progress in this process - and hope that she isn't slamming the door closed - but there is nothing I can do if she is.
You are right, she may be ill-equipped to make it through this with the skills that we have. We even talked about how a lack of some skills doomed us. Maybe she does need help - but how do you communicate that to someone in a manner that doesn't offend? How do I do that without making her feel like "the bad guy"? I always say "we" not "you"....I try not to put her on an island of "wrong" all by herself since I know that we both contributed to this.
I already miss my son and our bedtime routine tonight. Just gonna be a bad night I guess. That is the worst. I don't want to go back to part-time dad again, it would break my heart again after getting to enjoy it for the last 2.5 months. Not seeing that little face and getting those hugs and kisses again would be brutal.
Guess this is my first venting post since the piecing phase.....almost three months in, not a bad run I suppose.
