NLW, communicating with my H is very difficult. He has such an intense need to be right. If I have a different opinion then comes "you're crazy" or "you don't know what you're talking about." That's followed by "let me give you an analogy...." When he had been gone for a month or so he started accusing me of being "crazy" and "delusional" because I saw our marriage differently than he did. When we've tried to work out part of the D settlement ourselves it quickly went south as soon as I thought I was entitled to something. He started with all of the belittling comments.
I'm uncomfortable communicating with him. I'm not allowed to think or feel differently then him. If I do he tries to point out why my way is wrong. He puts me on tilt. Until I read The Gaslight Effect I didn't understand what was happening. I started crying during the first chapter. I understood what I had been dealing with and why his behavior left me so broken.
What's amazing is that when I went to him for advice in areas of my life that were unrelated to us he talked to me so differently. He was very helpful and kind and I trusted his judgment. I enjoyed talking to him and knew I could count on him. This is the person others see.
If I were to have contact with my H now than I would have to be willing to agree with everything he says and I don't know that I can do that. I can say "I'm sorry you feel that way" but it won't end there. He will likely keep telling me what's wrong with me. I can't keep taking that emotional battering. I realize that he's unleashing decades of hurt that he's kept stuffed deep down, but I don't know what to do with that. I'm not good at staying steady. I either crumble or fight back. I don't want to do either. Those reactions are more of the same. I know he needs to be heard, but so do I.
That's the long answer, NLW. Our communication patterns upset me. After the last frenzy of emails I blocked him. I know that's not in the DBing spirit or very mature, but I really don't know what else to do. He can't rant at me this way.
