So glad you found this forum - it'll help alot. i don't think i could have made it this far without all the input and kindness of total stgrangers that are going thru variations of the same darn thing. it's awful to think soooooo manyof us are out here - going thru this pain and upheaval.
i just wanted to say hi- and hang on best you can. there is no quick fix to this junk (so i'm told - and God knows it feels like a thousand years to me.
i've mastered the "one day at a time" - honestly- i can think of days when i was soooooo mise4rable i was pretty sure i'd just explode from misery- couldn't think- eat, etc. - but i didn't.
just one foot in front of the other- and one more nite to try and sleep. it's getting better a bit now (2 yrs since finding out THE REAL TRUTH about this guy. it stinks - there's no two ways about it.
i flip and flop on the issue of his "pain" - and generally think he's a selfish jerk. he is a messed up guy tho- i always just viewed it all as "quirkey" - found a buddy here - Dawnmarie- similar kind of guy.
your first post was tiny compared to mine. had been a legal secretary for about 2a5 yrs., so can type faster than i can think.
i come here to yell & scream- ask for input and help- go bonkers and rant til my brain's going to explode- offer sympathy and the knowledge that i can feel someone's pain-
it's awful that we need it- it's the most awful experience of my life - BUT - it's sure helped me and i'm grateful this forum is out there and everyone in it. i've never been to any other forum besides this-
who ever would have 5thought we'd (any of us) find ourselves here.
try and not view it as your failure. i too feel sometimes i contributed- we all do since we're alive and living in the same space- but honestly- i'm thinking this is all my h's "junk" which he is happily trying to palm off on me.
your h rushing like mad about the house is terrible. can't you just cancel the lookers and go to your race. after all- this is his thing- if he can't be there to do it- why are you obligated to see something thru he's orchestrated??
i'm thinking in general - in life- (and i could be wrong- but i'm a pretty terminal romantic, etc.) (tho, mind you, after the last 2 0r 5 years- i'm pretty darn suspicious of eerything and everyone) - BUT FIND that at the end of the day- i still feel overall if it's meant to be- and even if you guys move far apart, etc. - if he realizes he's wrong or nuts or returns to the land of the sane (and i6t's a type of insanity in my book- the wacky things my h has said and done) - he can always find you. nobody says you can't talk or whatever is available.
THAT'S THE WORST PART_ NOT KNOWING- FEELING POWERless - letting the person hurting you the most call hs own shots and yours too- $ucks like mad - oh well huh?
we're here because we're all going to give it a try to save the r before just walking away- or drifting away- so here we all sit- facing this awful uncertainty andlimbo life.
I have lived with a man for 38 yrs or so- a couple years ago found out he was cheating- lying (like mad for some time) etc. total melt down- i thought i'd croak and fall rite into a hole in the ground.
i didn't- it took a couple years for me to finally be getting a bit normal- and still do not really have "a plan" other than sitting quietly (when i can manage) and waiting for wisdom to come around and bong me on the head. it's less terrible -
when it first happened- someone said view it as an automobile accident- you're laying in the street bleeding- first breath - then stop the bleeding - then worry about.....(whatever) . i could honestly view myself as that- just breath - don't rush yourself to have understanding or control - it's just not possible i think.
i hope all your offers fall thru and you can stay where you are til maybe your h realizes he doesn't want to go- or have you go-
I can totally feel your pain- we're all here- feel free to write anyting you have to say- nobody is going to judge you- we've all be there
sometimes i come just to have an understanding human being "listen" andi journal and rant- or ask - or whatever.
it does help- it may seem like it- but it won'tkill us if we don't let it.
we are what we can control- so breath, don't blameyourself. don't criticize yourself- SOMEONE ELSE SAYD -
TREAT YOURSELF AS YOU WOULD YOUR BEST FRIEND - IF IT WERE HER IN THIS MESS.
I took it to heart. i expect waaay too much of myself in life- i'm only human and so are you.
you're probahbly a wonderful person whose just got (unfortunately) an mlc mate - good luck- i'll be around and pop in to read - my thread is sooo long and jacked up- i'd say go read it - but it would probably put you in a coma -
HEY- SLEEP AID IF YOU NEED IT. hang on- we're here- we honestly do f'ing understand.
