Well I have decided enough is enough. I have probably focused to much on me being selfish (as per the W at DB) and therefore not trying to detach, but to try and show the W how keen I still am. After months of simply one text once a week, with the only reply being "thanks" or "u2", my mental state is not getting better. Therefore I have decided to go dark. I will not contact her, simple as that. I need to learn to detach otherwise I will continue to be a basket case and not improve. Yes, I have made a lot of internal changes, I know I am better because of these changes, but the struggle is with being co-dependant, being fixated on the W and whether I am doing the right or wrong thing. No more. I haven't contacted the W since the 1st June, so that is my starting point.
My new goals as of now: * Go dark - no contact with W unless she initiates * Focus on me and my improvement - BE THE HUSBAND W REGRETS LEAVING * Read for half hour each day - generally self improvement books * Play guitar for half hour each day - learn to play "I won't give up". * No discussion about W/Marriage with anyone except my brother * No contact with W's family - unless they initiate or to send a birthday card * Continue to ring my son's weekly - always positive - no Mum talk * Text the boy's weekly
I haven't and won't give up on the W, just need to detach. So my mantra of "faith, hope and love" is for these reasons: Faith - in that I can detach and become a better person for it Hope - That my improvement brings a better life that what I have now Love - The continued love for the one person in my life who really matters. The love for my boys and family. The love of the new me and how much effort I am putting in to do this.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA- I am with you on this. Lets support each other. I think the sooner we can begin to detach, the better things can be for everyone involved in our switch...especially ourselves.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Appreciate the support busting, I in turn will support you. This is needed for me, and I am sure you feel the same way.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA and bustingout, I am with you guys as well in thoughts and prayers. HWA, I want to borrow your F,H,&L...Faith in the bigger plan for me. Hope because hope trumps fear and love not only myself, but to show it everyday in how I treat others.I love my kids, my H that is easy. I pray for OW.I don't want to just walk thru this day randomly, but with a loving purpose. Thank you for helping me to realize this..
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Willbwell, I feel very honoured you wish to use the faith, hope and love mantra. I also like how you are using it. Best of luck.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Thank you kate's_place, it really feels like quite a welcome time in life now.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Man, that's been gone a very long time. I suppose losing close to 12kgs (25pounds) when you were in reasonable shape originally is a help. Actually starting to see some abs, not bad for a 49 year old. Will need to buy new pants and a race suit for the motorbike again, the old ones will not fit at all.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
