It sounds like I walked away for the same reasons as your W. I spent years practically begging my H to spend time with me but it didn't happen. I believed that he was out of our M and I made the poor choice to have an A based on what I thought was true. I had days were I truly wanted to leave but deep down I never wanted our M to be over, I just couldn't deal with the pain and the loneliness any longer.
When he found out about the A, he started doing all of the things I had asked for but by then, I didn't care and they didn't feel real to me. The more he wanted to talk about things the more turned off I became.
I personally found that MC made things worse.
Eventually, he stopped pursuing and we sort of settled into a routine. It wasn't great, we were still together and we started to make progress.
He saw me hugging OM, it was innocent but there was no reason for him to believe that. This is when I became LBS. For months I pursued, we tried on and off, eventually he said he was done and I knew he meant it. I found DB/DR and began applying the principles.
I don't know what will happen. We are "together" but we are not "creating a new marriage" YET. I believe if I keep focusing on me, figuring myself out and growing as a person, that will come. I don't know but I do believe.
Your W must see the changes in you and believe them to be real. You giving her everything she has been asking for is more upsetting and a turn off at this point than anything. You are only doing it, and only hearing her, because she left.
Work on yourself. Let her know you are there for her when she is ready to come to you. Don't chase.
Yes, hard. Hard to go dark when being distant was your thing. MWD is very specific that when you are S or spouse has CLEARLY STATED
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
