H stopped by this morning to do some stuff in the garage. I was working in the yard and he asked if he could get a cold drink and I said fine. He was acting so happy and even whistling. H has never whistled the whole time I have known him. I look like a field hand because I am doing yard work and he had just gotten a shower and was in clean clothes. H then said he couldn't stay as he was heading up to xx which is different from the town we live in and where JW lives. I thought I was going to vomit. H then proceeded to tell me he was thinking of getting a new doctor in xx because it would be so much more convenient for him. We have had the same family doctor for 20 years. I said that seems kind of drastic doesn't it. His reply was he needs to start thinking about himself more. Oh like that isn't what you HAVE been doing?? So he was Mr. Happy because he gets to go spend his Sunday with JW. We used to spend our Sundays at church then doing yard stuff together. I know I am feeling sorry for myself...I just can't shake it the last few days or more. I did tell him that from now on not to call her " his girlfriend" in front of me. H seemed shocked when I said that. I said if he was going to say that then I got to say the junkie whore. I know,I know that was the wrong thing to say but it came out. I am tired of feeling so sad,abandoned, and lonely. What if I am not able to do what I want and stand??? What if I am just too weak to do it?? Thanks for listening to me ramble. I hate it that I love him so much...I don't think I deserve to be treated like this but it appears that it's fine with H.
